Before you even ask, yes, Chad has officially left the bachelorette mansion. And he even went without a fight.
Monday night's episode of The Bachelorette picked up where we left off two weeks ago — Dallas real estate developer JoJo Fletcher had just given Chad, this season's token bad guy, the "boy bye" after an intense two-on-one date with a small but mighty contender named Alex. Chad, however, came back from the fringes to confront the rest of the guys in the house, and viewers thought they were heading for stormy weather. Dun, dun, dun!
Turns out, much of that was just talk. Though Chad stopped short of an apology, he ultimately bid reality TV adieu within the first couple minutes of the show. (But don't worry, he'll be back for the next season of Bachelor in Paradise, according to previews.)
Fletcher held a long-overdue rose ceremony and said even longer-overdue "goodbyes" to boxing club owner James F. and awkward Canadian Daniel, though she managed to confound Twitter by keeping erectile dysfunction expert and sorry excuse for facial hair Evan around.
Sans Chad, Fletcher decided to take the spotlight back with a field trip to Punta del Este, Uruguay with the remaining 10 contestants.
Can we, for a moment, reflect on the fact there are only 10 dudes left and this is but the fifth episode of The Bachelorette?
I digress ...
So the crew headed off to Uruguay, where their problems were expected to wash away on the eastern shores of South America. But if there's one thing we've learned this season, you can take physically the Chad out of the house, though you'll never extinguish his spirit. Without the big man on campus threatening to punch someone's teeth out and eating raw sweet potatoes, other contestants started to assume the role and splay their feathers.
For example, Jordan, the dreamy former pro football quarterback who happens to be Aaron Rodgers' brother, tugged JoJo away from the rose ceremony to fiercely make out with her on a wall opposite the rest of the men. Seriously, bro?
He unsurprisingly earned the first solo date in Uruguay; most thought it was because he's been the season favorite. Viewers learned, however, Fletcher planned to challenge one of his plays. (That's a football reference, in case you missed it.)
Somehow, she became aware that Jordan may or may not have cheated on his ex-girlfriend — as though she was reading an Instagram post from the future. Jordan proudly proclaimed, "I'm not a cheater" after meekly admitting he hung around too many women while he was living that pro athlete life. Apparently it was enough for JoJo, who rewarded him with some tongue and a rose.
Meanwhile the rest of the house mates were doing each other's hair and reading gossip magazines. No, really.
This ended up being a huge point of contention, not only because one article claimed Fletcher was still in love with her ex-boyfriend, but also because it's common knowledge that no one is allowed to bring reading material on the show. Was it planted? Why are these men reading that trash? Can they handle it?
That last question we can answer with a simple no-effing-way.
It caused the most drama Monday night; Fletcher went to her 10 boyfriends in tears to explain her side of the story. They all believed her, frankly because if they didn't, they could show themselves out.
But the article didn't spoil the episode. Actually, nothing did. Viewers got to see the gang sled down the sand dunes of Uruguay and dive off cliffs of trust into the romantic Atlantic waters. We even got to see Robby, the clean-cut competitive swimmer, dole out an "I've fallen in love with you" in exchange for a "Thank you very much," from Fletcher.
It was perfect.
Ultimately JoJo said goodbye to three more men — hunky firefighter Grant, barber Vinny, and why-are-you-still-on-my-TV erectile dysfunction expert Evan — meaning there are just eight men left in the running to a proposal. Meet us back here next week to discuss the juicy details. Once you stop crying over your ripped shirt of course.
For good measure, here is who remains:
- Jordan Rodgers, brother to Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers
- Chase McNary, the sort of bland but adorable dude that doesn't dust up dirt often
- Luke Pell, the war-weathered country boy from Burnet, Texas
- Alex Woytkiw, the fun-sized marine from Florida
- Wells Adams, the scrawny yet adorable radio DJ that All-4-One follows
- Derek Peth, the shy giant with icy blue eyes
- Robby Hayes, the hunky former competitive swimmer
- James McCoy Taylor, the sensitive singer-songwriter from Katy, Texas