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'Fuller House' is a bad show, but it might be your next guilty pleasure

I wasn't watching the clock, but it felt like it took less than a full minute for Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) to make an Elvis reference. Uncle Joey (Dave Coulier) followed shortly after with a Rocky and Bullwinkle joke. Then you've got all your "Have mercy"s and your "How rude"s and your jokes about how annoying Kimmy Gibbler (Andrea Barber) is. Steve (Scott Weigner) is even back to hit on DJ (Candace Cameron-Bure).

We could go on, and we haven't yet moved past the first episode of Fuller House, the Netflix-exclusive sequel to the sitcom Full House.

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The pilot episode in particular is packed as tightly as possible with recycled jokes and appeals to the nostalgia of 80s and 90s kids. There is even an (admittedly cute) fourth wall-breaking moment where the entire cast looks directly at the camera to shame Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen (who together played Michelle on the original show, beginning when they were infants) for not taking time away from their fashion empire to join the reunion.

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And at its worst (or best, depending on what you want out of a Full House sequel), that's all Fuller House is -- references and rehashes and attempts to recreate magic that, frankly, is long gone. The writing and delivery is incredibly cheesy. The plots are overly simplistic (and sometimes make little sense). The serious moments feel forced ...

... But dang it, when every episode ended, I kind of wanted to click to start the next one right away.

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There are some moments that are touching (if contrived), some that are chuckle-worthy and some that really do tug at the nostalgia heartstrings in the right ways.

Then there are also moments when Stephanie spends way too long talking in a horrific British accent and oh-God-it's-the-worst-please-make-it-stop-don't-ever-watch-this-show-ever-it's-terrible-who-ever-thought-this-was-a-good-idea-don't-ever-do-this-again-please.

And then it gets tolerable again. Then cringe-worthy. Then tolerable. Then before you know it three hours and six episodes have passed and what are you doing with your life?

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Let's be clear: Netflix is trying to their hardest to recreate the exact formula of the original show. The recently-widowed DJ Tanner suddenly has to take care of her three young sons alone, just like her father Danny Tanner (Bob Saget) had to do when he was a widower trying to raise three young girls.

Just like her father, DJ asks for help. Stephanie (Jodie Sweetin), as the aunt, feels like the stand-in for Uncle Jesse. Kimmy is the goofy unrelated "aunt" (like Uncle Joey) who also moves in to help out (though unlike Joey, Kimmy has a kid of her own, who also moves in).

And the kids are ... well, the kids. They even struggle with the same problems that the Tanner kids struggled with on Full House. Remember that episode where Stephanie and Michelle had to start sharing a room together? (If you don't, don't worry. Fuller House will remind you.) Yeah, that exact same scenario plays out again with the Fuller kids. And it's not the only such recycled plot.

Fuller House
Fuller House(Michael Yarish / Netflix)

I watched the first several episodes of the show with fellow GuideLive writers, and our reactions ranged from, "I didn't hate that!" to "I would watch more of this" to "That was terrible" to "The snacks we just had were great."

I want to tell you to avoid Fuller House at all costs, but the truth is I can't. Not because it's a good show, but because it has some weird hold on me that makes me incapable of totally hating it. It's a bad show, but if you have a Netflix subscription already, it might be worth some guilty pleasure nostalgia.