If you haven't been keeping up with The Bachelor, congratulations on saving your brain cells.
Season 22, the most cringeworthy (and possibly most boring) season in recent memory, really outdid itself Monday night, and one Dallas woman was at the center of the catastrophe.
Lauren Schleyer, a social media specialist at AT&T in Big D, seemed all but obsolete in her two-week journey to try and win over the TV show's leading man, Arie Luyendyk Jr. The 31-year-old did little to stand out among the gaggle of girls on the premiere earlier this month and was not invited on a date during the second episode. So if you weren't following the people you knew to be from Dallas — like this reporter — you may not have noticed her at all.
This is until Monday, when the Lauren received a coveted one-on-one date and Arie whisked her off to Napa Valley in a private jet to do some wine tasting. You had me at merlot, indeed.
But as quickly as she became part of the narrative, Lauren wrote herself out. During the dinner portion of their date, she rambled mindlessly from subject to subject. The best we gleaned from their conversation was something about her mom having an eye infection? The whole date was a hot mess. And it's never a good sign when the bachelor is actually eating his food.
"I don't know why I just can't be myself," Lauren said in a confessional-style interview. Honey, please — it's obvious you thought Peter would be the bachelor. (Full disclosure: We did, too.)
In a cut-throat dating environment such as The Bachelor, even your first date could be your last. Arie certainly wasn't feeling it and gave Lauren the one-and-done treatment. Ouch!
"Today was an opportunity to get to know you ... but I can't give you this," Arie said referring to a red rose that would have kept her in the competition. "This is my first hard goodbye, and I'm sorry."
This date was just one of the many moments seemingly designed to make your skin crawl. Another woman who practically begged for a kiss was casually rejected by Arie — "We're just not there yet," he-who-has-been-kissing-every-other-person-in-the-house said. Spoiler alert: She didn't last. Between that and the groups dates, which involved a tear-filled wrestling lesson with the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (GLOW) and terribly executed dog tricks, the awkwardness was enough to consider turning off the television.
The good(ish) news: Dallas still has one lady in the running. Lauren Burnham, a local sales executive, had her first kiss with Arie during Monday's episode and we have a hunch it could be the start of something special. (Read spoilers here, if you dare.)