For a franchise that's as crazy as a soup sandwich, Real Housewives of Dallas outdid itself in its second season.
There was that one sweet moment when LeeAnne Locken got engaged at the State Fair of Texas and the Housewives children were as cute as they come. And, man, all the ladies and their mates really dig LeeAnne's husband-to-be Rich. Other than that, crazy is as crazy does.
With that in mind, here are 10 of the most outlandish things that happened this season. And they're all good bets to come up at the reunion, which was filmed Oct. 13. (That's right, Friday the 13th.) and will air Monday, Nov. 6 at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
10. Kameron eats dog food.
In her quest to feed pink dog food to her fabulous dog and others, Kameron sure eats a lot of it. I wonder how her tummy is doing; some of the comments on Amazon about the dog food have been about as enthusiastic about it as her husband, Court, was at first. Which is not at all. (To be fair, a few users loved it.) Though Kameron says that the reason she did the show is because it's her guilty pleasure, most of her story line has been the launch of SparkleDog. More than a few of the reviews on the dog food answered the one question both viewers and one of the show's children had: Will it make the dogs' poop pink? Where are Brandi and Stephanie with the poop jokes when you need them?
9. D'Andra looks uncomfortable.
Let's count the ways that new cast member D'Andra Simmons looked uncomfortable: Every time Dee Simmons shows up, a chill goes down her daughter D'Andra's spine; she admitted as much in the first episode. Severity is the name of Mama Dee's game, from her makeup to her wardrobe to her questions about her daughter's life decisions even down to her vocabulary. Every time someone comes for LeeAnne, especially and during an event that she's throwing for her friend. All D'Andra wants is to take over her mother's company. It seems as if it's painful for her that she has to endure these "friends" while doing so, especially at her house with an "Honest Tea."
8. D'Andra threatens to rip her stepson's eyes out.
Well, there she is. Intelligent, smart and funny D'Andra was a breath of fresh air, but viewers were wondering why this seemingly level-headed lady was even on this show because, well, see No. 8. Was she around just to keep BFF LeeAnne in check, taking over the Tiffany Hendra defender role? Was she around to add long money to the coffers? But then, when her stepson spurned her efforts to help him, she spat venom. (She had given him what was seemingly an easy enough job, to catalog and sell the contents of her enormous closet on eBay.) And with that, viewers learned she was a force to be reckoned with. And secretly hoped someone else would make her just as angry.
7. Travis buys a house.
So Travis, who complains often enough about spending money, plopped down $5 million on a house with a history -- and a pool in the living room. Crazy enough, right? Well, what was really crazy to those of us in budget-land is his wife Stephanie's petulant reaction to her husband buying her a house. I guess it didn't help that it had a pool in the living room and a by-all-accounts aggressive swan out back. What's crazy is 1, Travis had $5 million just burning a hole in his pocket; 2, He decided to buy a house with it; and 3, Stephanie doesn't care about the money. In the words Stephanie uses a lot concerning others on the show, "That is not normal." These are problems the 99 percent wish it had.
6. LeeAnne (talks about her hands).
LeeAnne and Brandi are behind a door as LeeAnne is getting prepped for surgery and LeeAnne starts whispering. At first, it's about Cary Deuber and her talking about LeeAnne's doctor and then it's about Cary's husband Mark and his alleged extracurricular activities at a popular Dallas night club. And then it's about her hands that she says are good for more than just shaking. Later, she talks about slitting throats, strangling people and other things she can use her hands for. They take her seriously. As they do. (Transcript here. You're welcome.)
5. Cary and LeeAnne and the male anatomy.
LeeAnne whispers that Mark Deuber gets his serviced at a nightclub. Cary says Rich Emberlin probably can't find his. Too much, ladies. Stop. There is no need for the she-said, she-said back and forth. It's on video for all of us to see.
4. LeeAnne (wears a costume, twice).
LeeAnne always takes it one step too far. Early in the season, she has dressed as a hot dog to take her dog to a costume contest. For dogs. Then, against her therapist's advice -- seriously, the therapist looked horrified -- she went to Stephanie's Halloween party dressed as as a character she called "Two-Face" (read: Stephanie). To quote Cary, who was dressed only in body paint: "Who does that?" To answer said quote: LeeAnne. Whatever, she's still the lead goose in the V formation.
3. Brandi is all in the Kool-Aid
While mostly on the sidelines last season except for a poop incident or two, Brandi is all in everybody's business during this season. Almost every controversy this season has a connection to Brandi. She's a pot stirrer on a mission, working like the pot is giving her a paycheck, which I guess it is. Her BFF Stephanie thinks she's stepped out of character due to her friendship with LeeAnne. Leave it to a skeptical Brandi to be succinct: "I wasn't LeeAnne. I did that and I take ownership for it." I love her sneer. She seemed to be softening, though. That is, until she led the walkout at LeeAnne's engagement brunch. For my money, they're all manipulating her.
2. Brandi chases Kameron on the beach with a sex toy.
That is all. It was, to write the very least, problematic, up to and including the name they gave it: "Sexual Chocolate." And, like Kameron, I'm glad it's over.
1. Hurl overboard.
No matter what happens to RHOD, this scene will go down in franchise history or at least be featured in clip specials for years to come. Our fair ladies go out on a boat. The water is choppy and the sky is dark but they persevere, mostly due to tequila. Because Mexico. Anyway, Stephanie ends up holding the floor. She's afraid if she stands that she will throw up. In the end, she has no choice but to drag herself to the edge so she can vomit overboard. Poor, drunk fish (the sea creatures, not Stephanie). It doesn't end there. It sets off a chain of other sick-to-their-stomach Housewives. But not Brandi. She just keeps sipping.
This story was produced with an assist from super fan and investigative reporter Cary Aspinwall, no relation.