Here are some facts about Samuel L. Jackson. He's the second highest grossing box office star of all-time. He brought Jules Winnfield to life in Pulp Fiction, and he said what everyone was thinking when it comes to snakes. Not only did he reportedly cure himself of a childhood stutter with a peculiar method, he went on to utilize that method, in a sense, to console sleepless parents everywhere. 

But, for every wonderful thing that is true about Samuel L. Jackson, the rumor that he moving to Richardson, Texas, is not. 

Repeat: If you were tempted to believe a recent blog post about how the BAFTA winning sometimes- vegan "just want[s] to slow things down a bit and get away from the crazy, hectic life in L.A." you might have just run across a parody article from the "fantasy news website" The Clancy Report, which circulated the web this weekend. We're with you: it's nice to dream about Jackson spottings at Tom+Chee. And, fun to fantasize about whether you could pull off a Kangol. 

But, his "statement" doesn't even use a single curse word, y'all.

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Here, we'll show you were you can add your own: 

"I've visited the [#&@$*!%] Richardson area a few times over the years and the [#&@$*!%] people there are real ... they're genuine and pretty [#&@$*!%] friendly too and I think those are the things that are most important in deciding where to [#&@$*!%] live."

Too right, fake Samuel. 

Oh, and for the record: Justin Bieber did not decide to move to Roanoke after "immediately [falling] in love" with it on a recent road trip. 

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