How to do the Colonial, one of Fort Worth's biggest parties of the year

One of the year's biggest parties is in town this week, and if you're not a golf fan, you might not know where to find it.

The 69^th Crowne Plaza Invitation at Colonial happening May 18-24 in Fort Worth. Locals know to call it "The Colonial" and it can be one of the biggest parties of your year.

Fair warning: If bros bother you, don't go.

If you're OK with some tastefully unabashed enthusiasm for day drinking and polo sporting, buy your tickets and start planning now with these tips:

What to wear

The standard uniform is a polo shirt with a ball cap or Titleist visor. White will serve you well if the temps rise and so will your darkest shades. Occasionally, ridiculously patriotic threads and accessories are showing up on the scene, too, and bonus points if you can find a way to rock red plaid like the champs do.

What to eat

Eat a good meal -- something to fill you up for a while because those golf claps burn more calories than you think. Clay Pigeon is one great choice because the folks there are prepared to handle a big PGA crowd, and their new spring menu features herb crusted lamb chops, crispy quail roulade, and that CP Burger the whole town's been talking about.

There is food on site, but it'll be of concession-stand quality. Last year's Tim Love catering disaster left such a bad taste in everyone's mouth that we're still talking about it.

Where to drink

The tournament is trying to appeal to a wider variety of people, and the shaded concession bars in the brand new Colonial Main Street area should help. To find finer spirits, look no further than Cadillac's Luxury Lounge, located near Hole 18.

The famed 13th green at the Colonial. (Scott Halleran / Getty Images)

Where to watch

And let me recommend the most popular hole everyone wants to stand around is Famous No. 13. It's a difficult shot to make and it'll be a highlight of conversation-both on TV and on the scene-so grab a spot there if you can.

Where to get down

At Frost Park, which doubles as a welcome center full of food trucks, there'll be concerts lined up for Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Local favorites like Poo Live Crew and Uncle Lucius will make an appearance, as well as popular Texas country crooner Kyle Park. Shows are complimentary for ticket holders.