We live in a world where candy canes come in gravy flavor. They come in pickle flavor, too. And wasabi and bacon and coffee.
What you're about to see are reactions of real journalists (politely) forced to try each of those candy cane flavors:
Good thing jolly old St. Nick is still giving out peppermint candy canes. In our taste test of the five weirdo flavors of candy canes, we all agreed that tried and true peppermint candy canes are the tastiest of them all. But if you're adventurous like we are, here's the dish on each odd flavor, starting from the worst:
Gravy candy cane
A whiff of this hard candy might remind you of a day-old Thanksgiving plate. Or the smell of dog food. It's "literally the worst," Guide editor Sara Burgos wrote on her scorecard. "I can't even with the musty, gross, mothball-ish taste," wrote beer editor Tiney Ricciardi as she gagged. If you'd like to wage a war on Christmas, make your family eat gravy candy canes. Score: 1.11 out of 5.
Bacon candy cane
You might be surprised to find bacon-flavored anything near the bottom of a list. Too bad the bacon candy canes don't resemble anything about our favorite cut of pork. They remind us of boot leather and plastic. "It's not bacon," TV writer Dawn Burkes pointed out. Hey, there's the problem! Score: 1.22 out of 5.
Pickle candy cane
The salt and sour lovers among us wanted to love the pickle candy cane. It does taste like a pickle in candy cane form. But, like many of these tastings, we'd just rather have a pickle. Meh. Score: 2.22 out of 5.
Wasabi candy cane
No one was harmed in the eating of the wasabi candy cane, thankfully. They have a sting-your-nose sensation like horseradish does but won't light your mouth on fire.
The wasabi candy cane is the only one we'd suggest buying as a gift: a prank gift for your ornery uncle.
The wasabi candy cane's spiciness builds with each lick, but not in a kick-you-in-the-face way. It's "not terrible at first," video game writer Britton Peele offers. How's that for a back-handed compliment? Score: 2.66 out of 5.
Coffee candy cane
The one candy cane that tastes like it isn't a punishment is the coffee candy cane. Guide copy editor Kim Oglethorpe will be looking for them in her stocking. (So can somebody tell her husband?) This sweet treat shouldn't replace your morning cup of joe. But it might be a festive treat on Christmas afternoon. Score: 3.5 out of 5.
Disclaimer: No one paid us to do this. Maybe we're just gluttons for punishment. If you are curious about an odd new food, we might just be willing to buy it and try it. Email us at entweb@dallasnews.com.
Thanks to taste testers Marilyn Bishkin, Sara Burgos, Dawn Burkes, Dennis Jansen, Kim Oglethorpe, Britton Peele, Ann Pinson and Tiney Ricciardi.
Please enjoy the horrified faces from our candy cane taste test:
