Friday night, a bearded David Letterman made an unannounced cameo at Steve Martin and Martin Short's show at the Majestic Theater in San Antonio to read a Top 10 list about Donald Trump. "I am so happy to be out of the house," he said to cheers. Why is he at a Martin/Short show? "Back in Hollywood we met at a Scientology mixer," he explained.
He said his retirement from television has been going well.
"I was happy," Letterman said. "I'll make actual friends. I was complacent. I was satisfied. I was content and then, a couple of days ago, Donald Trump said he was running for president. I have made the biggest mistake of my life, ladies and gentlemen."
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a sheet of paper and explained, "Every suit I own comes with a Top 10 list."
Without further ado:
No. 10: "That thing on his head was the gopher in Caddyshack."
No. 9: "During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name."
No. 8: "Donald Trump looks like the guy on the lifeboat with the women and children."
No. 7: "He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around that thing on his head?"
No. 6: "Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for some delusional bullsh...,oh no, wait, that's me."
No. 5: "Donald Trump weighs 240 pounds...250 with cologne."
No. 4: Trump would like all Americans to know that that thing on his head is free range."
No. 3: (A tie) "If president, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, plans to evict a family on Thanksgiving." Or "That's not a hairdo, it's a wind advisory."
No. 2: "Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans, he's starring in a new movie entitled No Amigos."
No. 1: "Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass."
