Only eight episodes in, and it's the Winter finale of Little Women: Dallas.
But, wait. There's more. The show's first season has been turned into a two-parter.
The spinoff from the Lifetime franchise started its first season on the network Nov. 2. It joined Little Women: LA, NY and Atlanta, along with Little Weddings and Terra's Little Family. Each of the series has been a ratings boon for Lifetime, so it's no surprise that there's more to come.
It seems Little Women: Dallas is going the route of so many other shows in that it will have a split season. More and more, networks are going that route (see: Empire). Or, if the fandom is rabid enough, almost a year before fresh episodes (see: Game of Thrones).
Fans won't have to miss Little Women: Dallas for that long. According to the network, the reality TV show should return in Spring 2017.
Coming up: I don't know whether to laugh or cry. More money, some problems. Austin and Tiffani. Tears.
"They got a turkey leg the size of my arm!"
That's Caylea describing what you can find at the State Fair of Texas, which is where the gang is gathered to kick off this week's episode. (It's also where we got all these nifty staff photos from.)
"Nothing says Texas like the State Fair," she confesses.
They're all sitting together, trying all the fried foods that are laid out family style. Rock-hard Amanda: "Today is definitely my cheat day." You think?
Talk turns to Amanda's "relationship status." Really? She's got fried butter in front of her and that's what you want to talk about? OK.
Amanda says Zac -- what happened to his "k" -- is coming to visit from Arizona. She's really happy in Dallas, she says; the only thing she says she's missing is a romantic relationship.
Cut to them having lots of fun, playing games, at the petting zoo, more eating and then Austin and Tiffani go searching for a ride together. He wants to try this crazy-looking thing toward the back of the fair where they have all the rides most likely to need a call for 911. This one is called "Rock it." Tiffani is too short to ride, but Austin decides to go anyway.
The rest of the women have caught up to them. And Caylea is aghast that he would go on a ride without Tiffani. Ah, to be young and self-absorbed. So, when Austin comes back before the ride even starts, there are questions.
Austin says he couldn't ride "my shoulders are too wide." Yeah, Austin. Mine, too.
Caylea calls him on it in confession, telling him to back away from the cheeseburgers. That's it, I'm calling him Chester Cheeto from now on.
Anyway, they're on the Texas Skyway and Tiffani says her dad is coming to visit from Ohio. That's a whole lot of tickets to spend on something to spend time talking about something you could have said at the table. I'm just saying.
She's excited. But you know there's a but or two coming ... She hopes her dad inspires Austin to get a job. Girl ...
"He's happy that I'm happy but at the same time, he just wants to see a little bit more."
Girl, you are not fooling anyone. I know code when I hear it.
S/N: I love Amanda's hair here. Very retro.
Turns out that Tiffani's dad is no fan of Austin. Join the club, yo. But Tiffani will try to butter him up by taking him to a "real Texas barbecue." But just in case something hits the fan, she wants her squad there.
Cut to Asta, Emily and Ty making small talk about the weather. Asta hits Emily with the question she's gotten from two too many friends this season: "Would you just, like, you know, invest in our bar?"
Emily wants to know if Asta and her husband, Ty, have a business plan, "like, on paper and ready to go." I caught that little bit of shade, Em, even if it was a bit unintentional. Or was it? You are not slick. (Whispers: OK, you are kinda.)
I think Emily might have even rolled her eyes in confession: "These two sound like they have a dream, not a plan ..." but she'll talk to her lawyer.
To Asta, she says, "I gotta think about it.
"I'm going to have to have a long talk with both of them, I think."
That's Tiffani's Dad's conclusion after they have lunch at Truck Yard.(Austin says "This is a weird-looking entrance to a restaurant.")
First, a stern Dad asks Tiffani: "How are you and Austin getting along?"
Tiffani just sets people up, doesn't she?
They answer, somewhat, and Tiffani's Dad says, "He says, 'good.' You say, 'ah, ah'."
I'm with Dad. That is not good.
Then the other women, supposedly her "support," show up. But then she and Austin leave them alone with Dad. Caylea, who might as well have been rubbing her hands together for the payback she's about to serve, says, "He calls Tiffany names and Tiffany kinda like brushes it off."
Tiffani pleads her case in confession. She didn't know it was going to be all like that, everyone against Austin and all. But, listen, honey, you're always feeling bad about throwing other folks under the bus. It's time for some get-back. Sigh.
I never like to see someone go through these things, but she's a little holier-than-thou. What did she think would happen?
"I see graphs and colors. I don't see any real facts and figures on here."
Emily's lawyer Mark is not having any of it. And by it, I mean Asta and Ty's plans for a bar, which includes a drawing she's done of a bar with a few chairs in front of it. Emily calls it "ridiculous," though not to her face.
He tells Emily before they get there that in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, the life span of a bar is one year. And Emily says she's not into giving a handout just because they're friends.
But he knows Emily's really interested, so he advises and has the papers ready for a "70-30 split."
Asta and Ty balk, and Asta's upset that they won't be optimistic and calls them "aggressive." Emily says, "It can't be 50-50 if I'm investing all of this," as in all the money.
Emily says she could just buy her own bar if it's all like that. Her lawyer agrees and says, "You better protect yourself."
Zac calls out Amanda's name when he sees her car arrive at Love Field. Man, he's a little too excited. Nothing wrong with showing your hand, I guess. Those smiles!
"I don't want to be by myself."
I know, baby. I feel you.
Tiffani's Dad, Jeff, has a talk with Tiffani. "I'm concerned about your well-being here," he says.
Tiffani confesses again: "I wish these girls had said these things to my face. They don't know the Austin I know."
The shoe's on the other foot. Mwahahaha! Welcome to Caylea's world. And you sent yourself an invitation.
"If he's not gonna help you, there's no reason for him to be here," says Dad. Austin said earlier that he has no car and it's hard for him to get a job since she's at work with the car. Dad told him that just sounded like an excuse.
"I think she forgets that we're even Little People sometimes."
Caylea is amazed that Amanda has chosen DFW Adventure Park in Roanoke for a group activity and also says, "Amanda's fired from picking any activities ever again." She's tired of running, etc.
Amanda, perhaps a little smarter in this regard than Tiffani, knows how to duck and dodge. Zac is shy, so she planned an actual race through an obstacle course. Amanda, Brichelle and Zac finish last. Bri and Wooda win.
But that's not gonna stop Brichelle, who was literally tied at the waist to Amanda and Zac for a race. Yay, Brichelle! She asks the questions everyone wants to know after the race, gets some non-committal answers and is non-confrontational about it. What is wrong with this picture?!
"This is the happiest I've been in a long time."
Amanda and Zac, who we've been reminded that his last name is "Short," are at Reunion Tower.
(They met when he left her a note that said, "I'm Short, you're short, let's go hang out.")
Wiping tears, holding hands, kissing sounds. The camera has the grace to pull back so we only get the long view. But, wait a minute, Zac. Hold up!
He's asking her if she'll ever consider moving back to Phoenix. Come on, man. Y'all just started again. I will personally bar the door if Amanda tries to go to Phoenix for you. Amanda's got her own back, though. She has a rule: "Never follow the man."
"But that's what an investor does."
Asta meets Emily at Asian Mint (Fresh Asian Fusion) "to see if she would budge on the 70-30."
Asta says that she and Ty should receive at least 60-40 since they're doing all the work. Emily asks if they have the money to put up 50 percent of the money. Asta says they don't but they want a partnership, not the feeling like she's the boss.
"It's only 10 percent more," says Asta.
"It's only 10 percent less," answers Emily.
Emily won't budge, and explains to Asta what investors do: "They sit back and collect." Emily has this matter-of-fact way of speaking that stops any argument in its track.
Asta says, "I don't know why we were even thinking about working together because this is stupid. I don't know why I even came to you."
Me, either. Emily is talking business cents and sense, of which Asta seems to have neither.
I need to know more about this trust fund! Plus, why is Asta now acting like Emily came to them with her hat in her hand instead of the other way around? They're confusing me!
Tiffani tells Austin that he has to go home. Austin, oh Austin. She hands him his walking papers. No, really. She hands him his plane ticket. For that day.
He says a bad word, does NOT call her a name but says, "Today? ... I ain't talking to you."
Girlfriend moved just as fast on Austin as she did on Caylea. Uber is already out there and waiting. She's even packed his things and rolls the suitcase out.
She keeps explaining to him: "I told you that if you didn't find a job, that you'd have to go." And later, "Babe? The Uber's right here."
And then to us: "I just want what's best for the both of us. I don't want it to be over for good. I just want him to change ..."
Tiffani: "Can I have a hug and a kiss?" She's something else.
Austin, heh: "Hug me on Face Time." ROTFLMAO.
When Tiffani wants something gone, they have to get gone! (Even though she claims that she doesn't want to break up with him...)
She goes back in and climbs into bed and cries into her pillow. "It sucks and it's heartbreaking. That's all I can really say. It really sucks," she says. Aw, sweetie. She didn't realize it was going to be this hard. This will be a hard row to hoe.
Coming up at some point next year: Emily says, "Why don't you talk to Caylea about acting fake?" after Asta throws food at her. Didn't Asta learn from Amanda's mistake before the bar brawl?! Emily wants another little boy with Lontel. "Girl, you better not be pregnant," says Brichelle. Austin proposes. Emily gets served.