Coming up: Carpet stains, drug screening, money problems and Brichelle happens.
I never get tired of seeing the Dallas skyline.
Caylea decides to have a pool party at the apartment she can't afford. Why? Because she's got "great floaties."
Of course, the first person there is ex-roomie, still BFF Tiffani.
Tiffani: "These things are bigger than us ..."
Caylea: "A lot of things are bigger than us ..." Basically, what's your point?
Caylea steps right into some mess, asking if Tiffani misses her. Tiffani doesn't really answer that very direct question but she tells Caylea that she left something behind: a stain on the carpet from her dogs.
Caylea's going to try to clean it up -- the stain, not the mess she stepped in -- with a steam machine that you rent at a supermarket.
Asta and Amanda are the next to show up, then Bri and Emily. Caylea tells everyone that she wants to have a "football party" at one of the bars near her new place later that afternoon.
"Football is away of life in Texas," she explains, "and partying is a way of life for me."
At this point, I'm just going to go with willful ignorance.
They have to know that parties do not end well for them. Ever.
No one ever learns anything on these shows. I mean, they actively avoid lessons.
Tiffani and Asta show up to Amanda's house. We know this because they tell us they're there to help her with her upcoming bodybuilding competition. (Is this the first time we've seen where Amanda lives?)
Anyway, Amanda wants photos. Tiffani will spray on a tan and Asta will then take the pictures.
Tiffani has trouble with the lift gate: "Have you ever heard the joke , 'How many Little People does it take to close the hatch on an SUV?"
No, Tiffani. I haven't.
"And the answer is ... three."
Now, I get why some of those bad boys tout that hatch that you can close by wiggling your foot underneath. I see you, Detroit. You knew I needed that before I did.
Anyway, Tiff asks for help and her girls get the job done.
Amanda says she doesn't really like getting spray tanned, that it makes her look like "an orange Oompa Loompa."
Whatever, when she comes out, all I can do is quote Tiffani, "Amanda is ripped."
We go to Bri taking Meek to speech therapy. Tiffani is with her. Wooda is "still in Atlanta, working."
Questions: Are they rehabbing Tiffani's image with her doing such a nice, supportive thing? Are they cratering Wooda's?
We meet a motherly Jane, the speech therapist.
Bri explains that she's being proactive because she knows in school that Meek will already be "picked on because he's little" and she doesn't want there to be another possible target. I hear that.
Tiff reassures her, saying that this is what her mother did when she had the same problem when she was younger. Bri says that she has been lucky because she never had any surgeries, only "special shoes" so her legs wouldn't bow.
Tiff agrees, saying "You are lucky."
Jane says that Meek may be developmentally behind, but he's bright. They have a plan and she's confident. Bri will have to be confident, too.
We're now at Denton Community Market.
Amanda is buying vegetables. Emily tags along, though the only thing she says she likes at the place is a watermelon.
Emily wants to know what got Amanda started doing this.
"I enjoy a healthy lifestyle," Amanda says.
But her DUI motivated her. She didn't want to follow her mom's path of addiction. Emily thinks that maybe bodybuilding is just another addiction? But she wishes nothing but the best for Amanda.
Caylea is rolling a rented steam cleaner up to her old house and the camera follows her effort to drag it up the stairs. One. Stair. At. A. Time. And she won't take Tiffani's help. Sigh.
Caylea has never used a steam cleaner before but surmises that it uses water. She's wrong about how it works, though, and Tiffani laughs and laughs some more.
"It's pretty entertaining," Tiffani says. "I should be paying her for letting me watch her do this." Sure, Tiff. I bet she'll take however much money it would take for someone else to clean the poopy carpet.
Tiffani gets serious long enough to say she wants the stains out and someone's going to pay and it's not going to be her.
Ha ... and so here it is.
We meet MJ, a dog breeder.
Emily, her daughter Eva, and Caylea are looking for puppies.
This one will cost $8,000. It's an American Bully. I've been allergic to and haven't really cared for dogs my entire life, but these are beautiful.
Cue Caylea, who asks Emily if she can borrow $1,000 to get new carpet at Tiffani's: "Emily's my only rich friend," she explains and says in confession that Emily has a trust fund.
But, say what? Caylea has the nerve to bring up what Emily is about to purchase.
Emily shuts it down. In confession, she says, "We're cool but we're not family."
And Caylea's mouth writes a check instead.
When Emily says she's buying the dog for boyfriend Lontel and her family, Caylea says, "Lontel don't even like you."
Oh, no. She didn't!
Emily is better than a whole lot of folks would have been. She tells Caylea to stop right there and that Lontel is none of her business, the amount of money she drops on anything is none of her business, either. It's her money, she says, and she can do with it what she wants. And she wants not to give it to Caylea.
But she does give her a tip. She tells Caylea to deal with Tiffani. Besides, if Tiffani doesn't get the money, "what's she gonna do about it?"
I take it back. This isn't a tip. It's a potential set-up.
Caylea can only nod as one does after being schooled by an elder.
Now, we're at the gym, a place called ... destination, dallas, texas.
Amanda is wearing her favorite competition bikinis. Asta is getting ready to take pictures so Amanda can have a road map of what she needs to work on for her upcoming competition.
"It's either first place or bust," Amanda says.
A guy in scrubs comes in and says he's with "the physique committee and I've got a drug screening for you here."
What the what? "Physique committee" sounds like a line some college dude made up to use as a line that never works.
I have questions.
Amanda says, "That's new. Did someone throw my name in a hat or something?"
In confession, she says: "This is weird. I've never had this happen before."
I have another question. Have you heard of it happening, though?
Asta asks the big question and dude says, "It's standard, standard for all competitions."
I question him more with every non-answer answer.
Asta asks another big question after Amanda takes the little cup into the bathroom. She wants to know what the test is for and if it's mandatory.
First, if this was the real deal, someone would be watching her pee. Or at least send her to a regulation lab where the bathroom has no running water with one way in and the same way out.
Second, anyone can buy scrubs and some Crocs and walk into a public gym.
Third, anyone can buy a drug-testing kit at Walgreen's.
Amanda comes back out and hands him the little cup: "I'm going to use my right to refuse."
Lawd, now this. Asta wants to know, "Why did you refuse it?"
Amanda: "Because I have the right to ..." My girl. She goes to get changed.
Wait. I want to say here. But alas, I find myself at Marynell's Craft Attack in Denton.
Should this have been called "Little Women: Denton?" Discuss.
Anyway, Emily and Bri take Meek and Eva to Marynell's because they're running out of stuff to do with them at the house.
Emily had the same problem as Meek with her ears.
"A common problem with Little People is that they have fluid in the ear canal," Emily says and says Bri probably should have had Meek in surgery well before now.
Bri says that the surgery is expensive. Of course, that leads to Emily bringing up Caylea's request.
These two crack me up. Their friendship is genuine and they say so much without saying much. Know what I'm saying? Anyway ... I have an idea!
Emily should move over or at least guest on Real Housewives of Dallas. She'd be Queen B in no time! Or at least Queen B-minus.
So, we now know why Caylea's father has to kick in for her rent. She lives near West Village. (That, and twerking isn't quite as profitable as some pop stars make it seem.)
Her "football party" is at Henderson Tap House. (Why is the term "football party" so funny to me? I'm cracking up every time I type it, so I'm typing it as often as I can. "Football party.")
A guy is there with Caylea. Onscreen, it says his name is "Casper, Caylea's friend."
Emily and Bri are always on time, and smug Austin and Tiffani follow, then Asta and sweet Ty. Then Brichelle, who prompts fake hugs all around.
Oh, Caylea, they're just putting up with her because of you, dear heart. If I were Brichelle, I would make excuses not to come.
Tiffani confesses what we already know all of them think: "Brichelle is the worst."
When talk turns to Amanda's whereabouts, Asta says, well, Asta says everything. Which is to say too much. She tells them her version of events from the gym.
Emily is a voice of reason and says that they shouldn't all ask Amanda about it in front of everyone. (I take it back. One person learneth the lessons.)
Brichelle: "I'm gonna ask." Aw, h-e-double hockey sticks!
Everyone, including me: "Why?"
Brichelle: "'Cause I wanna know." Grrrrrrrrrr.
Man, look. You can't say everything in front of everybody.
Brichelle continues: "If she on something, I need to know."
Asta, too late: "That's a conversation between me and her." Bingo. You should have thought of that before you spoke out of turn.
I realize that Asta just wanted to talk with someone, anyone because she felt left in the cold because Amanda had not picked up the phone all day and didn't give her more of an answer at the gym. But when she saw Brichelle, that was the universal sign for "Hold up." Plus, prior experience with revelations at parties should mean something. Step away.
Then Brichelle starts in on Caylea and her friend, assuming that Caylea is sleeping with this guy Casper. Talk turns to Caylea, sex and Casper.
Brichelle does her best Cookie Lyon: "You got to be careful in these Dallas streets."
Tiffani looks uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable. Caylea is entertaining this nonsense. But Brichelle is also being told to mind her business.
Emily decides to take a vote: "Everybody raise your hand if Brichelle should go."
She starts counting and hahahaha! A woman at another table voted yes, too.
But our hopes are dashed. According to the slide to the commercial, Brichelle stays.
Caylea: "I am not drunk enough for this [expletive]." Is anyone? Can anyone ever be? "She made herself unwelcome real fast."
Amanda finally arrives and says, "I can hear y'all from a block away."
"We had some ratchedness in here," Emily snides.
Asta pulls Amanda away before she can even take a seat. Amanda says they can talk later. She's just there to have a good time. She can forget that.
Amanda is back in and Brichelle says, "I'm gonna cut to the chase. Are you on any drugs? Why didn't you pee in the cup?"
She had said something earlier about needing to know if she needed to hide her purse. Brichelle apparently decides to make everyone angrier and just goes from person to person, trolling everyone.
Amanda gets in her space and after an exchange, Amanda splashes some of her hard-won drink on Brichelle. She turns her back and walks off ...
Brichelle follows. Everyone else follow Brichelle. The camera follows everyone else and ... wide reveal to Brichelle and Amanda on the floor.
Man, those matching personalized football jerseys make it hard to tell what's going on. Except this "football party" just got real.
Next: Hair pulling (I bet Brichelle is regretting those braids right about now.). Piling on. Caylea still needs money. Is a car wash her solution?