Big Tex says the darndest things.

He chatted with the Musers on SportsRadio 1310 The Ticket. Fake Big Tex has a belly-button ring and was in a long-term relationship with the Statue of Liberty.

He stands there, with his "big, stupid hat on" and says "howdy, folks!" to the passersby. But when he's not at work, here's what Big Tex might really say about his job:

Illustrations by Michael Hogue

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