With an almost cult-like following, the State Fair of Texas thrives each year on fried foods, rickety rides and concerts. But there are some who do not appreciate the wonders of the fair. To get out their inner #BigTexHate, they gave the State Fair one-star reviews on Yelp.
Here are exceprts from the most entertaining reviews, complete with our expert commentary in bold and brackets.
Matt J. from Plano
"Now the quasi-joke is that you can reproduce the fair at home. All you need to do is go out in the backyard on a hot day, eat a can of Crisco straight [ew], burn a couple hundred dollars [sad tear] and beat each other with sticks, and you too can reproduce the experience. You might think I'm joking, but when you look at the reality of the fair it's fairly accurate ... The rides look like they have bolts popping off and are expensive. [Correct, you are.] And getting water to keep from passing out feels like price gouging for the last gallon after a natural disaster." [That's dark.]
Marcos A. from Corpus Christi
"I enjoy putting on my overalls to make room for all the fried food at the fair. This year I was on a mission to eat the winner of best taste: the fried Frito pie ... The mush inside the chewy breading was like Wolf brand chili coming out the second time. [The second time???] I didn't taste or see a Frito at all, but given the copyright symbol in their name, I trusted they would at least give me that after giving them 6 tickets. [That's $3, calm your life down, you didn't lose that much.] Maybe there is one in the batter? I don't know."
Scot D. from Addison
"I keep saying this is the last year I am going to the fair, but it seems every year about the fair time another long lost relative will come into town to go see it for themselves..so far, all have left saying they are not coming back. In some cases that is good which is why I gave the one star rating." [One star is the lowest rating, so your fam not coming back isn't changing anything if that's your "good" score.]
Chris S. from Dallas
"The reason I dislike the State Fair is because it costs SO much. Assuming you don't go on $2 day, you're spending an absolute minimum of $60 [Two tickets cost $36 actually.] for a couple and what do you get? Long lines, huge crowds, super mediocre shows and overpriced food, games and rides. The State Fair is truly the definition of being a jack of all trades, master of none. [The Netflix show?] And that's an insult to anyone who is a Jack."
J C. from Japan
"Now maybe I'm being a bit harsh ... but even w/that acknowledgement I was still very disillusioned. [SAT word of the day] I expected more flair, more pizzaz & all I saw was food vendor + food vendor + food vendor + food vendor, etc. [We eat a lot in Dallas okay?] ... The most disappointing of all was the highly expected fried beer, really? ... A teaspoon of beer injected into a ravioli which is served practically raw where you can still taste the uncooked dough, that's it, I want my $ back so I can buy an actual beer."
Jenny H. from Los Angeles, CA
"The rides and food are such a ripoff it literally almost [literally and almost contradict each other] made my normally consumer focused mind hurt. I am a big fan of car shows, but the POS they try and pose as one is like a few dealerships got together and put out some cars ... [Were you expecting to buy a car anyway?] It's effing hot and impossible to get water without spending 5$. [Your money symbol is on the wrong side.] The rides literally SUCK and cost your entire arm and leg. [Double amputee jokes are not okay.] The shows are deadbeat wash ups; everything about this place sucks EXCEPT the donkey show."
Alexander W. from Manhattan, NY
"2011 - This was a disappointing year for the new fried foods. Buffalo Chicken in a Flapjack (2/5) - Buffalo chicken in pancake batter wrapped in jalapeno bread crumbs and a side of syrup. If they were trying to make chicken and waffles on a stick, they failed. Fried Bubble Gum (1/5) - Creative, but who wants to eat bubble gum flavored melted marshmallow? But way too expensive." [Sir, are you a food critic? If not, leave those poor fried pink marshmallows alone.]
Steven N. from Garland
"Nope, never coming back again. My first time going to the fair and it was extremely crowded. So much humanity makes me wish there was a new plague." [For real bro? That's beyond cold.]
Lonnie U. from Dallas
"This is absolutely the most overpriced and over-hyped event in all of Texas ... Walking into barns and smelling horse and cow feces doesn't impress me. And the over sized Big Tex Doll that greets visitors to the fair is just plain creepy. He looks like one of those scary ventriloquist dolls from old Twilight Zone episodes..." [We can't really argue with that. The fair did add finger pointing to Big Tex last year, so he can follow you with his hands and his eyes...]
Bonus: Two-star review from Henry W. from San Francisco, CA
"If you like being herded around like cattle [No herding in Dallas, walk wherever you want people.] while waiting in endless lines for coupons which in turn takes you to the never-ending lines for food ... They also had deep fried butter this year, but wtf ... my heart just convulsed [That's not a thing, and if it was, ew] a little bit upon typing that ... Let's not forget the 1 hour wait to get onto the DART rail back home. [The Bay Area Rapid Transit "BART" is just as slow, public transportation is the same everywhere, man.]