Ed Bark

07:01 AM CST on Monday, February 27, 2006

By ED BARK / The Dallas Morning News

MSNBC, cable's More Silly News network, had a night for the ages last week.

The odds that you watched were longer than Bob Costas' chances in a slam-dunk contest with Shaq. Nielsen Media Research says that the NBC-owned channel's average national prime-time audience amounted to – if that's the word – fewer than 450,000 viewers last year.

That's what TV critics are for, though. We're ever-vigilant in search of stuff that had to be seen to be believed. Wednesday offered a two-bagger courtesy of Countdown With Keith Olbermann and Live and Direct With Rita Cosby.

Near the end of Countdown, a blaring MSNBC promo promised juicy tales of American Idol scandals on Live and Direct. "THE STORIES THEIR PRODUCERS DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW" – that was the hook.

The sinker turned out to be Ms. Cosby's dinky, worthless interview with Season 1 Idol co-host Brian Dunkleman, who left the show and now regrets it. MSNBC couldn't even get his name right in its printed on-screen come-ons. First it was "Dunklemen Dishes Dirt On Season One of Idol." Then it was "Dunkleman Left Show To Pursue Acting Career."

"Dirt" should have been spelled "Fluff." Mr. Dunkleman probably sent something less than shock waves through Hollywood in telling Ms. Cosby, "I adore Paula Abdul. She was nothing but sweet and kind to me."

He also has "no personal knowledge" of any "hanky-panky" between Ms. Abdul and contestants.

But he did reveal that judge Simon Cowell can be kind of "cruel" in some of his on-air comments. That's news on a par with, "Psst, Clark Kent is Superman."

Idol, of course, clubbed NBC's wintry mix from Turin in all five of their face-offs. So was its cable news arm simply trying to exact a little revenge? Probably not. MSNBC sorely needs viewers, and the mere mention of Idol can't hurt a bit.

MSNBC's other featured Wednesday night attraction – the Donald Trump-Martha Stewart tiff – is viewed by some as a publicity stunt on his part to jump-start slumping ratings for The Apprentice, which launches its fifth edition tonight on NBC.

Ms. Cosby ineptly tackled the subject with two know-nothing former Apprentice contestants. One of them, Sam Solovey, offered this stunning take: "Donald Trump does not like to look weak."

On the preceding Countdown, however, Mr. Olbermann gleefully gnawed on the corporate hand that feeds him in a stark display of audacity if not self-preservation.

He marveled at Ms. Stewart's contention that Mr. Trump had agreed to be "fired" on the first episode of her Apprentice, in effect canceling his show.

"All of us who live under the Peacock's brilliant plumage have seen odd things happen these last few years," Mr. Olbermann said. "This doesn't even make NBC sense, does it?"

He also apologized for subjecting viewers to a clip of Ms. Stewart talking to radio host Don Imus, whose morning program is simulcast on MSNBC.

"I'm sorry we showed you some of Don Imus there," Mr. Olbermann said. "I know some of you might be eating."

His special guest, cheeky Michael Musto of The Village Voice, agreed with Mr. Olbermann that it would be a waste of urine to bother extinguishing Ms. Stewart and Mr. Trump if both were on fire.

Mr. Musto closed with a flourish: "Do not watch this Apprentice . Don't watch Martha's daytime show ... Let these people burn."

Countdown did manage, however, to spell both of their names right.

E-mail ebark@dallasnews.com