Coming up: Cosplay party. Yay. Brichelle. Ooooh. Caylea's dad interrupts a little twerk. Oof.
We begin the episode titled "Party Crasher" at Coffee House Cafe.
Emily and Bri walk into where Asta is waiting. Asta explains cosplay to them: "It's kinda like Halloween, but for grownups." Simplistic, but quick, and they get it.
Asta and Ty are looking for a place to have a fundraising cosplay party. She wants the Cheeks' help because, according to her, they know the Dallas bar scene. Emily's in as long as no one's "dressing like an Oompa Loompa."
Asta asks if they'll dance. Ha. Look at Bri's face as Emily opens her mouth to say, "I'm not dancing."
Bri confesses: "Dancing in a costume is something I don't do since it's kinda making fun of Little People." But she'll do it to support Asta.
Two minutes, 45 seconds in and I take my first break.
Emily just wants to know, "Why?"
Asta answers. And I cringe. "We want to open, like, a midget bar."
I write it and Emily looks it: What?! (S/N: I love Bri's hair color)
Asta, honey, this is a bad plan. She says, "Everything's gonna be little ... like little bar stools," she smiles. "Little drinks ...," she continues.
And the name?
Asta: "Midget bar." Naw, son. Three minutes and 34 seconds in and I'm waiting to exhale.
Emily hides it well by slowly chewing her food, but she's not having it at all in confession.
"Uh, no," Emily says. She lists her reasons, the top one of which is quite enough if you ask me: It's offensive. "Sorry, this is not a circus. I don't know what Asta is thinking."
Oh, I wrote too soon. Emily goes in, but gently: "I think you should work on the name," she says, and pauses, "and the idea in general."
Asta kinda gets it, but says that the it's the way the word is used and the tone in which it's used. Uh, OK. As a good friend taught me, to each his reach.
Emily posits that the bar should be an empowerment thing.
I get it. Historically, the M-word has been used in a derogatory manner. When it's used as an adjective, it can turn a perfect noun, some already descriptive in connotation and denotation, into a spectacle, a sideshow if you will.
There's no reclaiming it.
Hey, I think this show helped me work out an issue. Whoa.
"She knows everybody loves my twerking!"
That's Caylea in response to Asta's hems and haws when she asks if she can twerk at the party for tips. Remember, she still owes Tiffani for the poo on the carpet.
Asta is watching from the stands as Amanda introduces Caylea to North Texas Roller Derby. Caylea keeps falling and is worried about bruising her behind. Ah, there's the flashback to the "football party." Caylea says that Brichelle has been texting and apologizing. Amanda says she'll accept an apology; she won't deny Brichelle that.
"Girls need to stick together but Little People girls have to stick together."
Caylea says all the right things after she meets up with Brichelle and her children, Braylie and Brayson, at Dallas North Aquarium (not an actual aquarium in the sense of exhibits, but more a place that can source one). It turns out Brichelle knows her friend couldn't resist that invitation.
They hatch a plan to get the women in one place. Brichelle even offers to pay for Amanda's tooth after Caylea brings that up. Good looking out, Caylea. Amanda should dap you up for that.
"I am an adult. I will do what I want."
Caylea is talking to Tiffani, who dropped in to "check on her." Cough, cough. She wouldn't have to drop in to check on her if she hadn't thrown her out. Caylea spends a lot of the episodes defending the phantom menace of her friends. Yes, she's young. But they've got to let her bump her head a little or go all mama hen on her; quit vacillating.
Tiffani starts walking through Caylea's apartment, picking up clothes that obviously aren't Caylea's. Also, obviously not her business. Caylea thinks Tiffani is being "judgy." Me, too.
So, they sit. Tiffani says she's excited about the party at Blushington in Oak Lawn but she asks who's paying. Because, you know, she's worried about getting paid.
(I hate to bring it up, but Brichelle warned her about what people would think in an earlier episode.)
More offense, defense and ducking.
"This is some shady [expletive] that Caylea pulled ..."
Heh. The Cheeks are both dressed in horizontal stripes. My vision isn't good, but it looks like it's the same color, too. It turns out Tiffani isn't the only one worried about how Caylea's paying for the "random invite" to Blushington, where they've all gathered.
Anyway, not too long after everyone figures out a way to get into the chairs set, I'm sure by someone not at the salon, at maximum height, out walks Brichelle.
Who is looking mighty good, by the way. That makeup, that hair and that dress are so ... genteel, lovely even. Brichelle is calling it a "Makeup and Makeover Party." These chicks sure will name a party. Brichelle apologizes to everyone, directly to Amanda, who returns the favor by apologizing for "pouring my drink on you."
Asta, who is down for almost everything, is down for this, too.
Emily doesn't care. She confesses that she's only looking for two things, for Brichelle to admit that she's a dumb [donkey] and for Brichelle to say that she's pulling back the police report.
Or as she says to the group: "I can pay for my own makeup to get done." Heh.
Emily wouldn't pose for the after group photo. Bri does, but throws some stones in confession: "I just hope she knows a little makeup won't hide the fact that she's still a [expletive]."
At Quesa Mx Street Food, Bri, Tiffani and Emily cluck about Caylea. Leave that child alone. She's more lonely than anything. Help a sista out. Quit treating her like a mascot. Yeah, I said it. Caylea, girl, I got your back. You need some home cooking, honey?
"I want to be evil and I want a weapon."
Heh. Emily, girl, you're already there. Asta and Emily are browsing at Dallas Vintage Shop Costume Clothiers.
Asta says she's helping Emily "find her inner geek."
Em picks up a battle axe and asks if Brichelle will be invited. And right on cue, Caylea shows up to ask Emily if she can twerk at the party.
Caylea says she, too, is not fond of Little People dancing in costume, but if it makes her money, "so be it."
Emily's trying on a corset which gives us a look at her fierce and full back tattoo. Said corset must have suited the Queen as she grants Caylea's request by saying, "Cool beans." But only if there's no drama and no Brichelle.
Tiffani and Austin. Blech.
They're playing miniature golf at Bear Tracks, which I think is inside The Golf Center at the Highlands.
Anyway, Tiffani's all backstroking in Caylea's Kool-Aid. Know what, Caylea? Of course you do, but ICYMI, you could have been making her Kool-Aid if you hadn't kicked her out for Austin.
Sigh. Austin is totally redeeming himself, and then he's not. They settle on Tiffani calling Caylea's dad "because I'm worried about her." Um, talk to her. FRFR.
"Then why not uninvite her?"
Well, now there's an idea. Brichelle wonders aloud when Amanda and Asta, busy making their costumes, mention the party and Asta says they don't want drama.
Brichelle stopped by to bring a check to Amanda ($350) for her tooth. She doesn't ask for proof of the price or anything. "I am a woman of my word and sometimes we have to pay for the things we do," she says.
Brichelle's question was in response to Asta saying she would invite her but they don't want anything to pop off. Brichelle was, like, so you're saying it would be me? Asta says, no, "definitely" Emily.
"She's not doing much of anything down here..."
Tiffani picked up Caylea's dad from the airport. She had this man waste his money to come to check on his girl. OK, so it's kinda sweet he would put everything aside to check on his darling daughter. But, really?
It seems as if we're in the car all the way from D-FW Airport. We learn that Caylea lives only two minutes from Tiffani. Heck, if she wanted to, she could just do some surveillance on her own. Tiffani is spilling all the tea, the different men, the fact that she doesn't have a job, all in the name of "tough love."
Y'all, I've taken that drive many times. It's never seemed so long.
Dad's ready to join the fight: "She's not doing much of anything down here and I'm not gonna leave" until the situation is fixed.
Aw, man. Is he joining the cast?
"I know I can out-twerk anyone so I know I'm gonna make more than a couple of dollars tonight."
It's party time and Amanda has a sword that someone notices might be bigger than she is. Emily is dressed as an American Indian. Uh, Em? Can we talk?
You know that quote came from Lil Twerk, who issues almost a challenge with it. Emily reminds her that she's twerking with Bri and that's some serious competition.
I don't know. I haven't seen it, I don't want to see it. Not even out of curiousity. Twerking is so ... 2015.
Caylea takes a moment to introduce Chase to everyone. But things are diverted when Wooda shows up with ex-jumpoff Casper. And Casper brings the drama. (They should have invited Brichelle, who would have set him straight with the quickness, and I know I'm not the only one who thinks so.)
Asta steps up: "These guys are a bunch of dirtbags." Emily agrees, in private, later and with saltier language.
But Asta is right there in the thick of it and tells them to back down, that they're being disrespectful. Casper is awful: "He can have you. I don't care." This is after he jokes about Caylea being his seconds and that Chase wants her but he doesn't.
Caylea walks out, crying.
Of course, as on most reality shows, seeing someone cry once isn't quite enough. We come back from commercial to the same walkaway into the bathroom. Bri goes to check on Caylea. And Emily's on her way.
Poor Caylea: "This is what happens every time I start liking someone."
Emily advises her to turn the tables and "embarrass them" and "own it."
Caylea goes back out and pastes a smile on her face and turns her back to everyone, twerking for her life. But then Tiffani delivers her dad and more drama to the party. Dad walks up and says, "What are you doing?"
Next time: Safari. More Brichelle. Dad. Austin shows his true colors again. I called it, yo.