Previously: Birthday princess Caylea followed roommate Tiffani outside to yell at her as Tiffani left the party with her boyfriend Austin, who had surprised her by coming in from Ohio.
Now: Tiffani's cooking breakfast for Austin in the house she shares with Caylea. Tiff gets right to it: "Do you think Caylea is mad?"
She says it's been over four months since she's seen Austin. So, she asks Austin how he would feel if she threw a Texas BBQ so folks cold get to know him better and not just go by what they saw last night.
Amanda, Caylea and Asta go to Hydropros for a "hangover cure." An intravenous one.
Now that there are needles involved, Caylea laughs and says, "I may have to rethink this whole being able to drink thing."
Maybe so. I mean, the business' tagline is "Reenergize. Recover. Revive." Revive is the operative word here. That means you've been depleted.
S/N: Caylea tells the professional that she needs the child-sized cuff to check her blood pressure. He tries the regular one anyway.
Lookahere, I'm sure Caylea has been going to the doctor longer than he's been seeing her as a patient.
Trust your patients sometimes. They've been dealing with their bodies a lot longer than you have!
OK, rant over.
Flashback to the night before ... And now, we're back at Hydropros where they all still sound pretty drunk. Asta wants to know is she supposed to feel that happy. I want to know, too.
Flash forward and Asta and Ty are meeting with a realtor to get some information about opening a bar, something Ty has wanted to do for a long time. Amanda is "along for the ride."
Realtor Mia says they're lucky because the lease just ended. It's $10,000 a month, locked in for five years, for 3,500 square feet inside and a 2,500 square feet of patio.
When Ty goes to check out the kitchen, it seems Asta is just along for the ride, too.
Because, boom goes the dynamite.
Asta: "Honestly, I don't want to be working at a bar in five years."
(She knows he can see this, right?) She wants to be making money from her art by then. Then she says "I don't know how to talk to Ty about it. ... We can't afford this at all. I don't know."
I know, honey. Just say that.
Emily, Bri and Emily's daughter Ava go to a barn to check out horses. It turns out Emily used to ride horses at rodeos when she was younger. And she wants to get Ava into riding so it can be something they can do together.
The women leave Ava with Emily's old horse and trainer so they can go talk. Bri gets right to it:
Bri: "You had a good time with Caylea, dancing on the speaker box. ... But I thought you were done dancing."
Emily: "I wasn't dancing like that. I was having a good time. No one was paying me. I did it 'cause I want to."
Bri: "You told me you were done dancing."
Emily: "So I'm not allowed to move and have physical activity when I go out into a location that has music?"
That girl is fi-yah!
Cut to Bri in confessional, still in her feelings, saying that she was just asking: "I don't know why Emily has to be so defensive. I was just asking because I was confused."
Well, because you're on the offensive, chica. And, girl, you weren't confused. You just messy. Like Emily said, her name wasn't Right Cheek then. She might as well have said it was Ms. Emily, if you're nasty.
Back to Tiff and Caylea, where Tiffani is firmly asking for help from a phone-tied Caylea.
Oh, now we get to it.
"Austin's only been here for three days but it feels like he's been here for three months," says Caylea during the confessional. "He's so bossy. He's making me feel like a third wheel in my own house."
Tiffani says she's just going to put on her happy face and enjoy the party.
Oh, look, a musical montage of them setting up the backyard.
Emily's the first to arrive. Then Amanda walks right in.
Amanda asks Caylea how's it been. Caylea reiterates that Austin "acts like he can tell me what to do because he's Tiffani's boyfriend." She is not feeling it.
In another room, Emily asks Tiffani how's it been. She says it's been "good ... a little hectic with three people in the house ..."
And then Austin interjects: "Especially when one of them doesn't want to help all the time but ..."
Lawd! He's just asking for a come-to-Jesus meeting.
Caylea says in another room, "She's not the fun Tiffani anymore."
Emily nails it. "I can't decide if I feel like I'm in high school, or if I feel like their mom."
Both, Emily. But if you have to choose, high school. "Either way," she continues, "Tiffani and Caylea need to figure out this drama on their own."
Then we wouldn't have a show. Pay attention.
Caylea invited her friend Brichelle to the party. She says "she's like my big sister. She's like my first Little Person friend I made here in Texas." She babysat for her kids and "she's been babysitting me ever since."
Awwww. Wooda is using his paper plate to fan Bri.
Austin gets up to talk and actually says, "I'm glad I get the chance to meet all of you not in a nightclub and not when all of you are drunk."
What in the actual hell? (Hey, I'm just translating Caylea's facial expression.) Child, that is not what you do at someone's house. First of all, this toast ain't for you to make. You are a visitor. Oh, hold up.
As Caylea put it in the confessional, "That was a little rude to say ... How would he even know? He didn't even stay."
What she said to his face was: "Not when you ruin someone's birthday party."
Ah, the brashness of youth.
Arrogant Austin responded, "I'm not going to argue with it." Dang. Tiffani, who just checks out her fingernails, doesn't look up and says to just let her have it.
Heh. Tiffani just gave the camera the side-eye in her bump.
When we get back to the BBQ, Bri announces that her brother is coming to town. Caylea slyly smiles as someone says, "Caylea's boyfriend?" Can't wait to hear this, and this show never makes you wait for long.
Bri says in confessional that the two have been texting a lot. She doesn't know what's going on, but ...
Brichelle gets right to it with Austin and Tiffani: "So what's going on with you two?"
Austin says he's visiting right now but he hasn't made his mind up on whether he wants to move to Big D with her.
Ooooh, child, Brichelle is made for this!
She turns to Caylea and says, "Well, what are you gonna do?"
Is this what passes for dinner conversation at the 'cue? If so, remind me to turn down any and all invitations from this crew. I got enough business of my own to deal with. Somebody needs to hand Brichelle a dollar so she can buy some, too!
And Caylea entertains it! Girl, just take the Fifth. Brichelle keeps it going, right into asking Caylea if she has a guy yet. Caylea entertains that, too. So does Wooda, who says he can hook her up with a "boy toy." Emily says while he definitely has friends he can "hook her up with," she wouldn't recommend any of them.
"They aren't relationship-type fellas. She needs to be careful," says Emily.
The way Wooda said it, with that sly smile, I wouldn't recommend them, either. As Scooby-Doo and Shaggy might say, "Yikes!" Wooda goes on to say that we'll see what Caylea says when the time comes.
Brichelle has that covered, too: "We gonna go to the clinic and get tested." She knocked on the table with her fork. "How you doing? Let me see your paperwork, boo."
LOL! My girl.
They go in to play a game as Tiffani gives the viewers fair warning: "Every time Brichelle shows up somewhere, things get loud."
Oh, God. They're playing "Never Have I Ever." Emily's right. It's a bad idea. This wouldn't be a good idea on a Housewives show. This wouldn't be a good idea on Family Feud!
Raunchy talk. Racy talk. Revelatory talk.
Amanda was arrested for a DUI about three years ago. Austin was arrested for "[expletive]". He tells the story about how his folks thought he was beating up his sister so they called the sheriff's department.
"His mom overreacted. End of story," confesses Tiffani. But the side eye has begun. Especially mine.
We're at Sprinkles Cupcakes with Malik, Bri and Wooda. We get from cupcakes to the fact that she wants to have another baby with Wooda (who gave his name as Robert to the clerk).
She wants a baby; she says it's time because "Meek" will be 3 soon.
Girl, I call that freedom from diapers!
And he says, "I don't need no extra bills. ... You try to bring me here and butter me up with cupcakes and then just throw a baby on me?"
You know, Wood ... can I call you Wood? ... I had the same question.
Bri asks Malik if he wants a baby brother or sister. Say it with him now: "No." Welp. Wooda can't even keep a straight face. He says, "I gotta watch you now."
Bri confesses she's disappointed.
Asta's not trying anything on (she's probably saving for that bar she doesn't really want) because she can't go because she can't lie to her manager, her husband Ty, to get off work.
"Being a little person, shopping for clothes isn't really that fun," says Amanda, who tried on a bikini where the bottom alone retails for more than $100. "Especially because you can never find anything that fits. But this is actually kind of fun and I think all my hard work in the gym is finally paying off."
Girl ... I remember crying in a dressing room at Torrid because I finally found a clothing store that carried dresses that could fit me without alteration. I feel you.
As Asta said, "We're all extra small, but her butt's not small." I don't know anything about that, though.
I have to interject here. The women still sound as if they are reading from cue cards or a bad script during their one-on-one time with the cameras. It seems less than genuine, which is something that I got from them when I met them.
Turn them loose, Lifetime!
As they're leaving the store with their purchases, Asta brings up that the "whole dynamic" with Austin and Tiffani is freaking her out a bit, especially after the revelation about his arrest.
"I'm worried for her since he's such a bigger person," she says.
Bri concurs, saying it seems suspicious that his mom would call the cops just because he was yelling at his sister. She cops to the fact that they don't know him yet, so they don't know what to expect.
Asta says she just wants her friend to be safe. Amanda says nothing.
Ty and Asta are home, getting in bed. She's on the phone. He asks her how things are. She says she's tired of bartending; it's "annoying" because she keeps missing out on things.
Um, it's called work.
And Asta finally says it: "I don't know how I feel about the bar we want to open up." Ty says he thought she was on board with it.
He says, "What would you rather do?" He's good.
He says he knows she doesn't like "slaving away," but he wants to set her up for success so she can focus on her art. Awwwww.
"One thing I do know is I have a very supportive husband," Asta says. "But I still wish I was going to the lake tomorrow." LOL!
Bri's excited that her brother Justin is here. They have a keg. He's excited about that. He's less excited when he finds out Wooda isn't ready for another kid. He and Bri are less than two years apart and want her children to be as close as they are.
I'm just going to leave that right there. I'm one and done, yo. Side. Eye.
Oh, here comes the gang. What lake is this? Caylea says about Tiffani, "I'm so over that drama."
Is it because she wants to hang out with Justin? And do body shots out of his navel? "He looks good," she says. "He's single, I'm single ..."
Austin tells Tiffani he's loving it in Texas so far and he wants to stay here permanently with her. "But what about Caylea?"
Tiffani: "She's gonna have to go."
Ouch. Girl, you better wear some protection.
They boat to Bri's aunt's lake house ... and Tiffani asks Caylea if she has a moment.
"It is time for you to move out,"she tells Caylea.
Caylea says, "I don't understand." Austin says, all confrontational, "What don't you understand?"
OK, I have had enough of him. And why at a party at someone else's house? That' s just uncouth.
So, of course, this devolves into yelling. They've drawn a crowd at the patio doors.
So, when we get back, you know the ish is gonna hit the fan again.
"Way to ruin the party, way to ruin my day, and way to ruin the whole year for me," says Caylea in confessional.
Hear, hear. Tiffani could have -- should have -- waited until they got home. And then come up with a compromise. And this is Texas. If Caylea wanted to dig in her heels, Tiffani would have to actually have to come out of her pocket and evict her. I'm not saying. I'm just saying.
Tiffani and Austin say, "No disrespect. ... This is why I pulled you out here by yourself and not in front of everybody else."
Really, girl? Have several seats.
In confessional, Tiffani says "Caylea is being a big drama queen and trying to make her look bad in front of everyone else."
To her credit, Caylea just keeps walking. Bri's brother joins her.
Oh, Tiffani. The wolves are at your door. I mean, Brichelle and Amanda, who are questioning the timing and the why and the what. You know, like the rest of us.
And Austin is deflecting: "I'm not the one kicking her out. She is." Ouch. Tiffani, I think you're in for a world of, well, something ...
Ha! Look at Amanda's face!
Brichelle says what we're all thinking: "That [expletive] don't make no sense to me."
Please, if there is any goodness in the hearts of the network, please add her to the show's roster. I beseech you.
"For the record, I do not care who lives with who," says Emily, who DOES NOT sound as if she's reading from a card. "What I do care about is these girls are ruining Bri's lake party and my day." Oh, snap!
Wooda is hiding his face, probably because he's laughing.
Tiffani says Brichelle has no business butting in because it's "between Caylea and I." Honey, the way you did that, you opened it up for them. No sympathy here.
Bri says this is what they were afraid of. "Austin is clearly controlling Tiffani."
Next time: Someone gives them paintball guns and dodgeballs. This will not end well. And it looks as if Amanda puts Asta through too many paces. Emily has a memorial planting for her infant son.