The floor is safe again. Former Texas Governor Rick Perry was eliminated Tuesday night from Dancing With the Stars.
It was just a matter of time; he kept hearing the same old song, that he was in jeopardy. The show dragged the inevitable conclusion of any "results special" out for almost the full two hours.
What'll he miss? Next week's episode will be "a full night of Cirque du Soleil," according to dance pro Derek Hough. "Don't miss it." Advantage: Olympic gymnast Laurie Hernandez.
Perry, Amber Rose and Terra Jole were the three stars "still in jeopardy." Host Tom Bergeron called Little Women LA's Terra Jole safe first. After that, Rose and Perry both looked resigned to their fates.
He and partner Emma Slater had the lowest combined total of viewer votes and judges' scoring. Rose smiled, but somewhere, first-to-get-the-boot Jake T. Austin is rubbing his hands in that evil mastermind way with glee.
Bergeron said, with affection, "Sorry to see you go, buddy." (Some might be thinking #SorryNotSorry.")
Perry pointed at the judges, said "Thank you guys." And then a threat: "I'll be back."
(I wonder how many meetings they had before they decided to call him by his government name and not some honorific.)
The rest was just recap, recap and more recap. It was a lesson in how one can stretch an hour-long show into two. Use wisely.
- You give screen time to Ryan Lochte's 95-year-old grandmother so that I feel bad for calling you out on it.
- Take the exact same show from just the night before and add live commentary from the judge's tables and the dancers. Bergeron called it "new insights." I call it something not fit for print.
- Add live musical performances, this time from Florida Georgia Line and Fitz and the Tantrums.
- Head judge Len Goldman will leave for a couple of weeks to go the source of all this dancing with stars, Strictly Come Dancing, in the UK. He admonished them all, well, except for Bergeron who is having way too much fun, promising that he's going to be well-informed and that since it's a "proper ballroom dance competition," then they should dance ballroom properly. Or some such.
Showcase Maks and Val Chmerkovskiy as much as possible.
Et voila. Instant captivity.
There were some new things.
The judges explained the deduction on Hernandez's dance Monday night. Carrie Anne Inaba chided the pro: "Val, there is no lift in the tango."
Motivational speaker Derek Hough told partner Marilu Henner that "frustration just means you're about to have a breakthrough." Maybe, but she still found herself in jeopardy.
Perry was the happiest about-to-be-eliminated person on the stage. Perhaps that's because of the Beyonce-fied group dance to Meghan Trainor's "Me Too" that had the little one in this room handing out grades.
"100 for all of you," she said.
Last Texan standing Vanilla Ice confessed that he thought the show was just a regular dance show and that he "would kill it because I got some rhythm." And he and Maureen McCormick have become good friends, hugging it out on the floor.
And, Harpo, who dis woman?
Kym Johnson subbed in for Erin Andrews. Johnson is a two-time Mirror Ball-winning dance pro who also hosts the online DWTS: All Access. Andrews was missed.
Johnson kept apologizing to the "in jeopardy" contestants, ran out of time to talk with Henner during a group session, kept pressing Hough to answer yes to the stress when he clearly said no more than once and tried to get Rose to show her how to twerk. Amber might as well have said, "Girl, bye." I know I did.
Perry had said that he wanted to "stay a long time." He wanted them to say that "Rick Perry is the most awesome dancer that's ever showed up on Dancing With the Stars."
But he was ready for whatever was coming, and so probably is his ankle. He got a word in edgewise as Johnson was apologizing to him.
"I've lived my life in jeopardy," he said. "This is just the next step." The next step is actually appearing on Good Morning America on Wednesday morning.
But his mission was mostly accomplished: He repped for veterans. And he'll look "really good" on that dance floor for his daughter's wedding on Oct. 15.