Previously: Cary Deuber says she and husband, Mark, want to summer in Switzerland. Stephanie Hollman gets a list of chores from her husband, Travis. Tiffany Hendra's husband, Aaron, is trying to like Dallas. Brandi Redmond calls out LeeAnne Locken on her stuff. Stephanie gets upset about it. Brandi and her husband have a spot of trouble. LeeAnne threatens her friend, Marie Reyes. Everyone is scared. And now ... "The Full Nelson."
At Casa de Golf Course. Travis asks Stephanie to pick up the poop out of the backyard. They're planning their party for the Byron Nelson Classic. "It's not a charity event," says Cary. "It's a [expletive] show, but it's fun." Oooh, yeah. I want to go to that.
It seems last year a "naked girl came," so Stephanie wants to prune the guest list. From Travis' smile, I don't think he wants to cross "naked girl" off. "It did make it a lot of fun," Travis counters.
Neighbors thought it was Stephanie, so, gone.
Then Travis asks the question we all know the answer to: "Is LeeAnne coming?" Don't be scurred, Travis. He's like, didn't she threaten someone? Stephanie says it was scary but "I invited her and she said she's coming."
Travis gives the best reason ever not to include LeeAnne or any of the rest of them, for that matter: "I've got people here we do work with. I can't have her be all crazy."
Stephanie confesses two things: that she should probably uninvite LeeAnne and that the reason she hasn't done so is because she's scared.
Girl, if it's like that, you need to move. Maybe Witness Protection, the Madea kind?
That's a movie I want to see! Lock Mess and a Monster: LeeAnne Locken vs. Madea. Get to it, Tyler Perry.
You've got your title. I've done 30 percent of the work for you!
Anyway, Travis continues making his chore list that includes power-washing the patio, cleaning out the furniture and taking the dog to the groomers.
Stephanie looks as if she has other plans and keeps trying to break in.
"Travis, this is so ridiculous," she finally says. "We can go through it and talk but I don't want to physically have a list." She thought they had discussed this and he understood -- remember the birthday episode -- but she says she must have been talking to herself.
She's still talking to herself, it seems, because Travis is still writing things down. Like, even while she's saying she doesn't want a physical list. Some advice: If you can't change the person, perhaps you have to change your reaction to them. So, he likes making lists? Well, when he gives it to you, remake it. Let's see, right off the top of my head: a makeshift dustpan; a paper airplane; a list of your Top 10 Prince songs on the other side of the paper ... Oh, I know! How about a little basketball that you'll throw in the trash?!
She brings up the birthday party and that she did a fine job on her own and then, "No more lists. I'm done."
They talk it out. He says he does the lists just to get things handled, which is apparent. She says it makes her feel as if he's her boss, which is apparent. And of course, he didn't mean it that way. I can see that, the whole world can see that ... but I feel you, Stephanie. I feel you.
They shake hands.
Telos Fitness Center. Tiffany and LeeAnne are working out.
"Tiffany takes care of herself. She's got a 12-pack," LeeAnne says. "I've got -- what do you call it -- a keg."
Ha! With all of that past partying you guys talk about, I know you know that I know you know what a keg is.
Tiffany tells LeeAnne that she and Aaron are going house-hunting again. Cortney Bailey called Tiffany with a house that she says is going to go fast. Tiffany thinks Aaron would have "a little bit of interest and he does."
LeeAnne (and I) gasp. But LeeAnne is happy: "That's awesome."
Tiffany says the House of Blues gig went well enough that doors are starting to open for Keith Suburban.
I had to replay this a couple of times. We're at the Plastics, and Dr. Deuber is trying to fix a drink.
"You're almost out of Grey Goose," he says. "You must have had the gays over again." Wash your mouth.
They proceed to talk about maybe finding more permanent options in Switzerland.
"You know I'm thinking after my awesome girls trip to Austin, that maybe we do need to leave the country," Cary says, and laughs.
I, however, do not.
They've always wanted to summer in Switzerland. She says they need to get out of Dallas more because there's too much drama. Like I told you, get some new friends.
Zuri knows, even if they're imaginary: "I need to go watch Frozen." Girl, I could use me a little Elsa right now, too.
Back at the fitness center: LeeAnne's not looking forward to going to the Byron. She doesn't know if she's forgiven herself for her behavior.
"What can I say," she says. Right.
And then she keeps talking. "I'm a fun person until, like, right then, I'm not."
You know, Tiffany begins a lot of sentences with "Honestly ..." Here comes another: "Honestly, I don't really wanna see Marie."
LeeAnne says, "And we're not gonna have a choice about that. You know she's coming." Dance, puppet, dance.
LeeAnne wonders how Marie manages to stay out of trouble for "this [expletive]." Maybe because she knows what "kill" means? #JustSaying
Tiffany is on the betrayal tip, again, co-signing in the confessional. We flash back to when Taylor Garrett told about The Poop Incident, knowing that Brandi was going to pull it out at a choice moment. Forget Marie; why is Taylor getting away with this?
LeeAnne is getting her hate on: "Personally, I don't really want to deal with Cary. Because she just stirs that [expletive] with Stephanie and Brandi."
Tiffany talks sense, saying, "Let's just skip it." That's too much like right for LeeAnne because she feels like if she skips it, they'll think they finally saw the real LeeAnne and now she won't come because of that. Girl, bye.
I'm gonna tell you like my Mama told me: "You don't have to talk to everybody." Oh, here's another good one from my Mama: "You don't have to make anybody talk to you."
Just don't care. Why all the fuss for people you don't like anyway?! Oh, yeah, I guess there's a contract of some kind. Darn TV.
"If you make a mistake and hide, then you are 100 percent guilty and nothing else," LeeAnne confesses.
Back at the Plastics, they're still talking about the trip to Austin. And Dr. Deuber says if Cary's worried about it, then don't go. The contract rears its ugly head again, and Cary says she has to go because she loves Stephanie. But she doesn't want Dr. Deuber to go. Plus, LeeAnne is spreading rumors of how Cary is a homewrecker.
Dr. Deuber doesn't care: "You be the bigger person."
He starts showing her photos of houses in Switzerland, and she almost salivates. She says, "I don't need an indoor pool," when he says the one house costs 15 million Swiss francs.
Ah, we're with Brandi. The whole family, actually. Her husband Bryan says they're getting ready to go to their favorite place. The girls say it together: "Pinstack."
Brandi talks about her husband and how she felt during the season. He's been away and not there for her, she says: "I had no one. I almost thought I was a single mother." Listen, honey. Do not throw that around. Do. Not. It will boomerang and hit you square in your face. Or a single mother will.
Well, he's here now. What you gonna do?
Tiffany is at the house that Cortney found. Cortney gives the absolute cutest explanation of gentrification I've ever heard!
"This is an up-and-coming neighborhood. A lot of the older homes that you see are coming down and builders are snapping up the houses and building new construction," she says.
"Round two of house hunting," Tiffany confesses. "I am giving it up to Jesus." She looks up and puts her hands to heaven: "Take it, Lord. Take it."
Chad, the listing agent, joins them. Heh. "This feels good for my full-time job," Keith Suburban says, "as a dishwasher."
Tiffany counters by saying he's the sexiest dishwasher on the planet.
Tiffany tells us what he's really good at in the confessional: "You walk the dog and do the dishes. That is foreplay. Dude, you are halfway there."
Who wears thigh-high boots to look at houses?!
Especially when you might have to walk through construction. Speaking of, there's some loud crunching from next door. Suburban wants to know what that is. Me, too, dawg.
Cortney is selling her shoes off. She tries to divert attention by saying that the good thing about buying now is that you get in before the area blows up. Maybe she'll throw in some noise-canceling headphones and sleep masks?
So, Aaron brings up his recording. Tiff says, "That's why we gotta get a studio." He nods. Slowly.
Tiffany can't think of one thing missing. I can. Cortney says the asking price is $675,000.
"We just gotta make sure that that's not going to go on for the next five years," Suburban says about the construction.
Cortney puts on the pressure, telling them that another couple is about to put up an offer. Don't fall for it, dudes. She just said that it just came on the market. I think y'all need to get a little Plano up in there, more bang for your buck.
Tiffany snaps her fingers and say they have to do it. Now. Because it's a prime location, it's cool, it's hip and the price is good.
Aaron looks as if he does not think even one of those things.
"You know, I've been thinking so much about Nashville and Dallas and I just can't see how I can be there and be here with you at the same time," Aaron says. There it is. "The only thing that makes sense to me now is to find a space here, here in Dallas. Let's try." He says a place like that will be incredible. Welp, there it went.
Again, they fix things too quickly for this to be great Housewives TV. I will give them props for this being the longest conflict that the show has sustained. But, come on, man! Give me something. Suburban, you know I love you. Why you gotta let me down like that?!
They kiss. Tiffany's happy. The realtor is going to be happier. But that construction is going to be incredible, too. #JustSaying
They're still kissing. Tiffany is hopeful enough that they're going to build a life here.
Oh, we get to go to Pinstack with the Redmonds!
That baby's a good bowler. Brandi is lovin that Bryan is "present." Bryan talks about plans for the fourth of July and says he wants to include her grandparents, since "I wasn't here for all of that."
And, from the mouths of babes, one of the little ones asks him, "Where are you going?" Awww. Because he kissed her, she thought he was kissing her goodbye.
He says, "I'm not going anywhere, baby." Awwwww.
Brandi's crying in confessional. She wants "them to be proud enough of their dad that they'll find a man like him." I might have a tear, too.
At Casa de Golf Course. Stephanie doesn't have a list but she is picking up dog poop. That's right in Brandi's wheelhouse and she is there for it.
Stephanie wonders if everyone will behave tomorrow at the party. Stephanie gets it: She says that she thinks there's something happening with all of them that we don't know and that they've all got something on each other. Yep, I was getting a keep-your-enemies-closer vibe this whole season.
Brandi says that Tiffany confirmed that she doesn't like Marie and that it's more to their relationship than the others will ever know or understand.
Stephanie: "The whole relationship between Marie, Tiffany and LeeAnne is the most unhealthy thing I've ever sat back and witnessed."
Honey, you should watch this with me! And Brandi has the right idea; she's going to keep her distance from all of them.
She feels really blessed that she has "a best friend who is normal. ... These women are not normal."
We're at LeeAnne's. Boyfriend Rich Emberlin and LeeAnne talk about the bunny and the hound. LeeAnne talks about the messages from her speech at the Grace Project. She wonders if it could become a career. She's going to meet Jeff Crilley, who heads a public relations firm. You know, he has a speakers division.
They talk about Beauty Live and Rich tells her she was really good at that. She and Tiffany spoke to women about beauty secrets and loving themselves: "You really inspire those women ... and me."
LeeAnne tells him she's not "100 percent looking forward" to the Byron Nelson party.
"It bothers me that I can go back to those triggers that set off my anger so easy," she says.
For all this talk of LeeAnne needing therapy, she sure talks as if she's been there before. #JustSaying
We flash back to all her kerfuffles: at Marie's cocktail party; at Marie's house; just at Marie. Maybe just stay away from Marie? Friendships have a season like everything else. They don't all make it to the Promised Land.
"I don't like that part of me," she says. "I don't want that part of me to exist. I would love to put that part in a box, dig six feet hole, bury it and, you know, grow flowers on top. The problem is, it's still a part of me."
Rich wants to know what the rest of us want to know: "So what are you going to do about that?"
LeeAnne confesses to us what she wouldn't hear of from Brandi: "Do I need help with my anger," she asks. "Yeah, I need help with my anger," she answers.
She starts crying about how it snowballs so fast. She doesn't feel loved. She has a hard time with being abandoned. And she thinks that's what she has to work on.
"At least you're working on it," says Rich. "Right?"
LeeAnne meets the team at Real News Public Relations. She met Jeff Crilley through his wife, Victoria. LeeAnne has manners when it counts: She tells him to thank his wife for setting the meeting up. First things first.
He says they're interested to learn more about her and her story. And ... we're off to the races!
She doesn't go into much detail but she says she wouldn't wish her childhood on anyone and she's lucky to have gotten out alive. There are really no expressions on the faces of the people around this table.
She says her "goal in life is to inspire, help and motivate." And "I'd like to write my memoirs."
Finally, someone speaks. "So, have you given some thought to what, like a title for the book ... whaddaya got," asks Crilley.
"My book is going to be called Designed to Shine," LeeAnne answers.
The woman in the reaction shot actually looks uncomfortable. And, look, that guy is almost gritting his teeth!
LeeAnne explains that her grandmother used to say God designed her to shine.
Truth. "You don't need a book," Crilley says. Someone pipes up: "It sounds like you're still going through the healing process."
Basically, LeeAnne is not ready to write this book. Maybe "a book," but not this one.
LeeAnne confesses: "I don't think they're getting it." Girl, I think you're right.
Back in the meeting, LeeAnne says that every time she shares her story that it heals her a little bit more. And we hear about her speech at the Grace Project again. Do not get me wrong. It was a great speech; you'd just think it was the only one she's ever done. And if that's the case, don't do one and decide to make a career of it.
"I have rainbows and I'm gonna fart glitter until people see it," LeeAnne says, turning up the charm.
The room laughs. (Well, except for the dark-haired women who looks as if she's thinking about how painful farting glitter might be.)
LeeAnne confesses, "Sharing my story doesn't mean I'm still living there." It's just her opportunity to help others.
Dang, Crilley. This is all your fault: "This could be your calling. You have an incredible story and I think you're supposed to tell this to as many people as possible. It can really make an impact on people's lives."
He tells her in the early days that she's looking at $1,000-$2000 a speech. But if they do their jobs right, "and we make you a household name," then it could go up past $25,000 to $50,000.
How can I be down? I've done a speech or two in my day. Motivate a 7-year-old to eat her broccoli and come talk to me about inspiring while helping others.
They're going to email her some dates for speaker training and the process could take a while.
It's the day of the party at Casa de Golf Course. (I just had a realization that this is all about to end and I'm fighting back tears. You figure out which kind.)
Stephanie is asking Travis about what she should wear. She thinks they should match.
He does not want to match. Good for him! But I wonder: You don't want his lists, but you want him picking out your clothes?
Anyway, Travis wants to know if she got her chores done. He throws questions at her and balks at banana pudding as a dessert because of the potential for it getting in the carpet. She ably answers and then tells viewers that she always has to get new carpet after this party.
Ha! Last year, they ran out of vodka and tequila so "I doubled up on those." Y'all make me laugh. Travis had just said that they ended up having to do shots with "Apple Pucker."
"It's a big undertaking to feed and give all these drunks more alcohol," Stephanie confesses. And laughs.
Y'all need to be doing some interventions. Kidding. Not kidding.
He's still grilling her about everything, down to and including the dog poop.
"Travis is trying to find something missing," a triumphant and glowing Stephanie says. "But there's nothing missing. Because I made this Byron Nelson party my [expletive]."
I mean, seriously glowing. That dress is giving me life! And it's giving her skin life, too.
She says there's one thing he can do, hang out with LeeAnne Locken. They laugh.
We're back at the Plastics. It's LB, Cary's stylist! Cary says they just got back from Austin. He says, "Was anybody murdered? Any blood?" Ha! Cary does not let that go by without spilling some tea: "Almost."
Cary's friend, Courtney Rider, speaks! "You can't keep portraying yourself as this poor, victimized lost soul," Courtney says, all elegant and calm as the stylist brushes her face. "I mean, everybody has their deal."
Here comes LB, ladies and gentlemen: "She is anything but a victim." They all laugh.
It's the Byron Nelson party!
"Our Byron Nelson party is not a charity event," Stephanie confesses. "It's just a way for us to blow money out of our ass and get our friends really drunk for our entertainment." She laughs: "Who says you can't buy friends."
Cue the guy turning up a beer. Looks like a Corona. Natch.
Stephanie posits that it just seems like they drink more now than before they had kids. But there's an explanation: "Before kids, you drink on a regular basis so you have a high tolerance for alcohol. After kids, your tolerance is gone so every time you drink, you get hammered ..."
Here comes trouble!
"After everything that happened in Austin," LeeAnne begins, "you know the Byron party, I'm sort of feeling like I at least need to show Stephanie and Brandi I'm not everything horrible that they remember from Austin."
Oh, really now? Now?! How?
LeeAnne presents a birthday present to Stephanie. Apologies, even unsaid ones, are always better with presents. LeeAnne explains that she didn't bring them to Austin because she was trying to fit everything in one bag.
Stephanie, maybe in an attempt to get rid of her, points toward the drinks. LeeAnne says, "No." That's right, honey. Keep your wits about you while everyone else is losing theirs. You've lost yours enough for one season.
Stephanie, in confession: "I kinda am surprised to see LeeAnne in my house. I probably should have called and uninvited her to the party."
Marie is giving her the side-eye, but she hugs LeeAnne and tells her she looks beautiful. Maybe Marie was just checking for the nearest exit.
Cary, Stephanie and Courtney go upstairs to put Cary's handbag away. Of course, it's also an excuse for them to dish.
Stephanie wishes Marie would just yell at LeeAnne "because all of us are on your side." Well, you say that now. Caught between a rock and a LeeAnne, you'd probably cave, too.
Cary would rather LeeAnne just yell at her so she would know what she's thinking "'cause you have something you want to say to me."
Yasss! Stephanie, preach: "LeeAnne's pissed off that Cary called her out. So LeeAnne's retaliating. She is going around Dallas, telling everybody how Cary's a homewrecker because Cary did not agree with her absurd behavior." For a minute, I thought Stephanie said "observed behavior," and I was about to accuse her of only being involved in this show because she's writing a paper on reality TV denizens in their natural habitat. If only ...
Cary just wants LeeAnne to tell her what's up. I think she's just curious.
"I have not been to a Byron Nelson party since I was in my 20s," LeeAnne says. "It's a drunkfest."
So, she really does miss how saying that to the hostess of said party can be perceived as a put-down. Things that make you go hmmmmm.
Why is Cary confiding in Tiffany about her feelings about how LeeAnne might be feeling about her? You can almost hear the pen signing the contract in this scene. "I don't want to cause any drama," Cary says. "But I also don't like feeling uncomfortable. She won't make eye contact with me."
Of course, this happens in the kitchen, where all the good stuff happens on this show.
Anyway, Tiffany takes a sip from her drink, for dramatic effect perhaps. She says LeeAnne is feeling ganged up on. Come on, that's not answering the question.
Cary answers the unspoken one, though: "You can't be a victim if you're the bully." Aww, Cary. Don't you know that bullies oftentimes have been bullied themselves?
Tiffany says if Marie had owned up to what she did, LeeAnne would never have gotten to that place. So, instead of threatening to kill her because of what she didn't know for sure, she would have hugged her if she did know for sure? Faulty reasoning, yo.
These women need a dictionary; I know there's an app for that. Cary defines "bullying" for Tiffany.
So, Tiffany basically cops to the bully tag for her friend: "I don't think LeeAnne is just going around being a bully for the sake of being a bully." Tiffany has started swimming in the Kool-Aid that she's been drinking.
So, Cary just goes away. And, hahaha, sits by Marie.
Tiffany says her loyalty is with LeeAnne and since LeeAnne and Cary have a problem, she doesn't think she can be friends with Cary. Finally, that's that.
Someone isn't taking salt with their tequila because it "makes you puffy." Stephanie gets the absurdity of that and says: "You don't even need Botox; you just need salt."
LeeAnne is staring through Stephanie, Brandi, Cary and Marie as they have fun at the table. I see it coming. "In the Air Tonight," anyone? And now, I'm off into Phil Collins land, a much more pleasant place than this.
OK, I'm back. Tiffany says that the picture is "all wrong. Marie is laughing with the girls."
Did you ever think "the girls" just want to inject some self-esteem into this woman? They feel bad for her, but they like her, too. This is like the dude who doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you, either. Move on.
Back at the party, Tiffany is talking to LeeAnne about it: "She speaks out of both sides of her mouth. I'm not delusional. I'm not the instigator. I've got to get this over with." She's standing in almost a fight stance.
Then, in confessional, she says, "'Wait, oh. LeeAnne's the one that was betrayed'?"
Tiffany goes up to the table, all but pops Marie on the shoulder and says, "Can we talk to you for a second?" Marie says yes.
Listen, Marie. You only say yes to that pair if they went to Jared.
Stephanie should have thrown them all out right then.
Tiffany says she just wants Marie to tell the truth.
Marie says, "I've been summoned." They should have held her down in that chair for her own good. I'm not letting someone go to slaughter like that, not even someone I don't like. Or so I'd like to think. I haven't put that to the test in years. "I put away childish things." Ya heard?
LeeAnne says that Tiffany "is just adamant that these girls see the true Marie." So, LeeAnne is the hammer and Tiffany is the nail?
Here it goes, again blow-by-blow so you can your friends can do dramatic readings:
Tiffany is seated on Marie's right and LeeAnne is looking at her hands on Marie's left.
Tiffany: "I gave you the opportunity to admit that you told the story."
Marie (looking from one to the other, but not making eye contact with LeeAnne): "I didn't tell the story, though."
Tiffany: "But who could have told the story to Taylor? There were only three of us in the car."
Marie: "Tiffany, I didn't tell the story."
Tiffany swallows: "You're [expletive] lying!"
Cary and Brandy look on. Cary makes a sound of disgust.
Marie: "I'm so sorry that there was a misunderstanding that led to you yelling at me..."
LeeAnne interruptus: "It's not even about what was said."
Marie continues: "And that I didn't stand up enough to say that it's OK that she yelled at me because she was really, really angry at me at the time." Uh-oh. This may be the last straw.
LeeAnne makes some sense in confession. She says that she gets that Tiffany is still mad for her but they're not going to open eyes like this. LeeAnne says this confrontation is the last thing she wanted to do.
Marie: "You didn't think I spoke up enough?"
LeeAnne: "I don't think you spoke up at all."
Cary has had it: "I'm not scared of her." She walks over.
Cary: "Can I just chat with LeeAnne for a second? Because we need one on one." The others leave.
Cary sits down. Courtney is close by, watching. Ride or die, chick.
LeeAnne: "I get that you don't approve of how I live or who I am."
Cary: I don't feel like I can say one [expletive] thing without you turning it around on me ... and it's constant." Truth.
LeeAnne: "I feel like you take everything I do so personal ..."
Cary shakes her head. In confession, LeeAnne says "she wants angry LeeAnne to come out." Nope. I'm beginning to think LeeAnne wants angry LeeAnne to come out. And so does Bravo, except ixnay on the threatening to kill folks. That's too far.
Cary: "I want you to be honest."
LeeAnne: "I am the most bluntly honest [expletive] you will ever meet."
Cary: "I know."
Dang. They just took all the "drama" out of "dramatic reading."
Paraphrasing, here I come.
LeeAnne tells Cary that she's not focused on her. I think both of them have a Me problem. #JustSaying
Ha! LeeAnne continues, "and I want you to clearly accept that."
Cary's got that crazy look in her eye. She is madder than a wet hen!
LeeAnne then accuses Cary of "manipulating" a mob mentality of "let's destroy LeeAnne."
LeeAnne says that she's OK with Cary not liking her. Cary tells her that she feels like she has to attack "and you're attacking, right now."
Oh, Cary's stepped in it now. She tells LeeAnne that one minute she'll play the victim with "your story" and then she'll be the bully ...
LeeAnne is hot: "My story is not a story. It's something I've lived through. Don't demean it."
Hmmmm. She just called it a story, you know, like you just did in the PR offices?
Cary is calm on the couch and she's cool in confessional.
Deep breath. Cary: "There are no excuses for bad behavior as an adult. Everybody went through things when they were younger. That has no bearing on you being an asshole. None." She makes me smile.
The things LeeAnne doesn't like about Cary:
- her nature
- the evil inside of her
And LeeAnne walks off. Stephanie rolls her eyes. The rest just watch it go down. Or away as the case may be.
Back at the party, where most folks are none the wiser. Because, they, like a lot of people, are over this.
Tiffany is holding up LeeAnne's ego by telling her that Cary is just upset because LeeAnne owns her stuff and she can't.
Tiffany confesses that she moved here to get away from the crazy but the society world here is a "monster. But at the end of the day, I lay my head next to Aaron Hendra. Let's talk about the ripped abs, the beautiful hair ... leave that to your imagination. He basically rocks my world."
What's going to happen when your loyalty for LeeAnne runs smack dab into yours for Keith Suburban? Just thoughts.
Wrapup: Tiffany and Aaron were "heartbroken" when they didn't get the house. A higher bidder got it. "But Aaron is writing a song about it for his second album." Well, they say you should write what you know.
Cary and Stephanie are hugging at the door. Cary says she's turning 40 and she loves her husband. And she is perfecting her yoga. She wants to touch her feet to her head by her birthday.
On-screen text says that the couple summered in Switzerland and she indeed "perfected scorpion pose on a romantic jaunt to Italy." As she was leaving the party, she swung her hair and said, "I'm over it." No doubt she is. But did we have to be collateral damage? As if Mark hasn't spent enough money, he wants a home in Italy, too.
Stephanie: "Travis is hammered, so the Byron party was a success." Travis' body is waving back and forth like a fan, so yeah, hammered.
On-screen text says Travis no longer leaves lists, but he does leave Post-It notes for "sexual favors." It's a start. I guess. I hope she leaves Post-It notes denying said "sexual favors."
On her way out of the party, LeeAnne apologizes to Brandi for destroying their good moments in Austin. Good for her.
LeeAnne: "They say alcoholics hit rock bottom? Austin was rock bottom."
Yes, honey. Believe them. "I went bat[expletive] crazy, but I'm taking responsibility for everything I've done and if anyone can make changes and become a better person, it's me.
And blow by blow, again, because someone at the network has my sense of humor:
"LeeAnne entered counseling for anger management. Rich has still not proposed ... which really pisses her off." Stop it, I say. I don't mean it, but, well, I say.
Brandi says she learned that she can wrong about someone. She says the only thing she's not wrong about is that Stephanie will always be her best friend.
Brandi and Stephanie are holding hands when we learn that Brandi and Bryan renewed their vows on their anniversary. And that there are less fart jokes.
And, "if it doesn't stick, she plans to marry Stephanie." And with that, the two of them jump into the pool.
"Let's go take another shot." If I could, I would.
The season's over. Now, it's all over the but the guaranteed shouting on the reunion.
I'm going to take a nap and dream that it was all a dream.
Next: And .... they all look amazing as they reunite on the reunion special, which will air Sunday, June 19, at 8 p.m.