Previously on Real Housewives of Dallas: We get reminded that LeeAnne Locken and Tiffany Hendra have been friends for a long time. And then LeeAnne erupts, leaving broken glass and spilled wine in her wake. Oh, and Brandi Redmond invites her previously estranged grandfather to visit Texas.
Dallas skyline at night. We're at Stephan Pyles and it's the last scene from "Mouth of the South," when LeeAnne Locken stalks away from the group after a confrontation with, well, almost all of them.
LeeAnne says what I say I’ve been trying to tell y’all for years: “I’m so mad, I’ve got two choices. Kill the b*tch, or start crying.” I feel you, LeeAnne. So, if you see tears, run. Tears dry, and then machetes come out. Just sayin’.
Whew. I had a moment there.
LeeAnne is stalking down the street and Tiffany follows her. LeeAnne says, repeatedly, “I’m done.” Tiffany says, repeatedly, “Don’t talk to me like that.” LeeAnne says that Tiffany coordinated the whole kerfuffle. And then Tiffany pushes her. The more agitated Tiffany becomes, the calmer LeeAnne appears.
Back in the restaurant: Stephanie Hollman is actually worried about her “Charity World.”
Cary Deuber likens Stephanie to a “poor little injured gazelle.”
Back on the street, Tiffany’s yelling that she doesn’t care about the “[expletive] camera.” LeeAnne says, “I do.” Of course, honey. We know. But then she starts waving the camera off with her purse and almost attacks. She says, “Stop it. Stop it now! I’m done.” That poor cameraperson. She misses the streetcar, crosses the street and continues walking away. Dallas streets are not made for walking, honey, especially in heels. Poor LeeAnne.
Brandi: “Seriously, she lost it.”
So Tiffany’s back in the restaurant, explaining what happened to friend Marie Reyes, who says, “Who does that?”
And Cary: “I’ve never seen anyone behave like that.” Cary says that when her 2-year-old behaves like that, she puts her in timeout. I want to see her try that on LeeAnne, which is just what she says they should do. That Cary talks a big game.
Skyline. And the camera lands on Stephanie, getting ready to make a card with Cruz, 4, for her anniversary with her husband Travis Hollman.
Travis promises something “good” for their seventh anniversary. He’s sweet: “Are you feeling better this morning?”
Stephanie says she cried the entire night.
And now she’s crying again. She says she’s genuinely scared. Girl, we know.
Travis: “LeeAnne is a person I wouldn’t really worry about too much.” That’s easy for him to say. He’s not in the opening credits of this show.
To his credit, though, he makes her visibly feel better. And he hits the nail on the head: He goes on to say that LeeAnne is probably trying to get to Stephanie because Brandi isn’t responding. Methinks he’s right.
Back to LeeAnne, who’s talking to the dogs again. She tells them they make her happy.
Heh. She talks to dogs because there is no one to talk to.
And now, thank goodness, she's talking with Rich who says she "avoids things." When?! Anyway, he figures she should call Tiffany.
And then, we go to Tiffany in the kitchen with Keith Suburban (also known as Aaron Hendra), who is wondering what she should do, too.
Back to LeeAnne and Rich, and LeeAnne brings up loyalty. Again. She says she hates that someone can make her question Tiffany’s loyalty, but also that Tiffany should have told Brandi to stop.
Heh. Tiffany can’t even get her to stop and they’re besties.
LeeAnne demonstrates to Rich how Tiffany had a finger in her face, saying, “You know how she can get.” Rich butts in: “I know how you can get, too.” LeeAnne doesn't have an answer for that. But, here’s the rub.
“I have huge insecurities,” LeeAnne says. Isn’t that what Brandi said? Or was it Cary? Or, gasp, even me.
And then she misremembers, as so many Housewives all over the franchise do, and says she probably didn’t even say two words on that sidewalk. SMH. Girl, bye.
Tiffany tells Suburban that she has to see LeeAnne later because they're working together on the Grace Project's clothing drive.
“I hope that we move on from here,” Tiffany says. “How we’re going to do that, I’m not sure."
I love Brinkley’s dress! Brandi offers her little girl an extra $5 if she stays inside. Brandi’s mother, Jana, is there, too. Grandfather is coming today! So, Brandi’s just worried about that, nothing else.
Brandi says it’s a big deal, that it’s the first time her family has all been together under one roof. Well, Bryan is supposed to be there; she hopes he will be.
LeeAnne is at the clothing drive for the Legacy Counseling Center, and she doesn't really want to be there. She gets to work, though, because charity is what she does.
Then LeeAnne speaks some truth: “I’m questioning if Michael Kors really knows what large is.” Preach, sister.
She knows that if Tiffany shows up, they’ll be respectful because “it’s the Southern thing. We try to maintain our tongue. We try to maintain everything inside of us that is wanting to blow up with a smile.”
So, she was suddenly from the uncharted North at the cocktail party?
Stephanie: “The best piece of machinery I had growing up was my dad’s riding lawnmower.”
Melissa Grove of the counseling center steps right in it when she brings up Stephanie's name after LeeAnne greets her. LeeAnne recovers quickly and says, “I’m glad she came.”
Tiffany walks up and she’s mad that LeeAnne doesn’t even acknowledge her presence: “Don’t you know? I’m your no-matter-what; I’m your ride-or-die chick.” OK, I have to raise my hand. Popular as it may be as a descriptor, I don’t want or need ride-or-die. Can we ride and live? Do we have to go out on that ride with the intent of dying? Because, I like life. Really. OK, carry on.
Tiffany says pain is what brought them together as friends.
Cary: “I’m still, like, picking glass out of my hair.” Ha! She’s so messy.
Cary shows up and gets a big hug from Tiffany, who then walks over and hugs Melissa. LeeAnne backs away.
Travis and Stephanie are getting ready to go out for their anniversary. They’re taking the Rolls Royce, and Stephanie is excited. She tells the story about how they drove to their wedding in the car, took all their wedding pictures around the car and when it came up for sale, Travis bought it. I like this story. I like Travis. He's sweet. A little salty, too.
Stephanie: "The best piece of machinery I had growing up was my dad's riding lawnmower."
Tiffany is driving and calls LeeAnne. The call goes straight to voicemail. But Tiffany leaves a message saying that she’s ready to talk “just whenever you’re ready.”
Stephanie and Travis are driving, too, and they pull up to a jewelry store: "De Boulle is an amazing jewelry store," explains Stephanie.
She’s trying on bracelets and Travis says, “You get to pick whatever you want.” $70,000, $55,000 and $75,000 … She picks the $75,000 one that’s encrusted with white diamonds, “the most beautiful distraction” she’s ever seen. And she didn't get it from Jared. Huh.
Shout-out to Dennis, the rep, who is upselling like crazy.
Cary is taking Zuri’s nose. That’s my favorite activity with a 2-year-old, too. In the kitchen, Dr. Deuber gives Cary a glass of Champagne.
He’s got jokes: “You want me to throw it at you?”
She doesn’t want to get any on her shoes, telling him if he gets some on her kicks that she’ll kick him. Her dress is at the cleaners.
Cary says that’s why they should summer in Switzerland so they can get out of there. She’s thinking of living there in the summers. Those other housewives are driving her away.
We’re back at Brandi’s, where she’s stressing over what to make for everyone to drink.
They’re here! Brandi’s grandfather, John, and his wife, Carol.
Brinkley, 4, is not having it and goes to another room. But Brandi’s smile never leaves. She’s happy. Awww.
Dr. Deuber, Dr. Deuber, never lead with "Don't be mad." But then he surprises Cary with a dress in a Roberto Cavalli box, to hold her over until the wine-splattered one is back from the cleaner. Cary says he'll take any excuse to go shopping. Cary laughs: "Maybe I should invite LeeAnne to all my parties."
Brandi leads her grandfather outside to thank him for coming. She tears up, telling him that she’s sorry. He says, “I put it behind me a long time ago.”
We learn that Brandi shoots because of the bobcats. And then he asks about Bryan. What does he do? Real estate. And Brandi says he travels a lot. Grandfather reads between the lines and assures Brandi that her husband will come around. “He’ll grow up,” he says. Brandi smiles.
Cary is injecting herself in the browline and Dr. Deuber walks in. She tells him he needs a little Botox.
“I don’t want to torture you. I just want to make you look a little better,” Cary says to her husband.
“Thank you. I guess,” Dr. Deuber says.
Stephanie and Cruz are on the trampoline. Brandi comes over and does a front roll-over onto the trampoline.
They’re chatting over a glass of wine and Stephanie tells Brandi about her new bauble. Brandi says Bryan “missed the memo on being romantic.”
We learn that Bryan’s flying in in between trips to meet her grandfather, John. She’s got high hopes for this meet-up. I don’t.
Tiffany is about to go meet with LeeAnne. Keith Suburban asks what we all want to know: “What are you gonna say to LeeAnne?”
And then I laugh out loud when he says, “Why can’t people just get along?”
Tiffany and LeeAnne meet at Taverna. LeeAnne's wearing that dress as if it's armor. She comes up behind Tiffany and gives her a peck on the cheek: "I love you." And she tells her she's really sorry (times a bunch of times) and loves her very (times a bunch of times) much. This right here? This is the greatest love of all.
“This isn’t our first fight,” LeeAnne says. “We gone sit down and come to Jesus together.” LeeAnne, don’t. Just. Don’t.
Tiffany says she’s given people grace since she’s moved back. LeeAnne says she’s known Tiffany has her back and that she’s had it since they were teenagers.
I swear, a relationship therapist could learn something from how these chicks make up. Brava.
But then Tiffany says, and it pains me to type this: "When somebody pushes me … What did I say? I'm Japanese and I'm Native American. I will scalp you and then I'll be like Mr. Miyagi. And I think I did a little Mr. Miyagi on you Friday night." (Ugh again. I felt it my responsibility to report this.)
LeeAnne is picking up what she’s putting down. Wax on, wax off.
“I’m always going to be Team Tiffany. And she’s always going to be Team LeeAnne,” says LeeAnne.
It ends with a high five.
We’re back at Brandi’s house and Jana is schooling Brandi that you have to sharpen knives. Oh, there are so many meanings behind that; it almost sounds like advice of another sort. Someone has to teach; some has to learn. Brandi’s brother, Don, is there, too, and he has questions.
“So, where’s Bryan?”
“And when’s he coming?”
“So he’ll be here in time to eat then?”
“Was he here when John got here?”
You know the answers.
Anyway, Stephanie and Cruz show up. She says Travis should be there in a bit. Stephanie calls Travis to see when he was going to be there.
Oh, Bryan ... Travis says he was playing golf with Bryan and they just finished having a drink.
Brandi is “speechless.” And a little put out, judging by her expression. Dang, Bryan. Just. Dang. (But nice pool.)
Bryan and Travis come in. Bryan looks drunk. Sigh. And then Brandi confirms it. Sigh. Travis goes to Stephanie and kisses her hello. Bryan greets Brandi’s brother first. I’m not trying to be Judgey McJudgey on this one, but this is not a good look, Mr. Bryan.
Brandi is hurt. She says he will put up a wall to her sometimes and “that’s disappointing.”
Stephanie sees it, too. She notes that Bryan is ignorant to the right thing to do in his marriage sometimes. Whoa. But, well, someone has to say it. I guess.
Brandi has plans, though, and they begin with Bryan sleeping on the couch.
This episode didn't quite live up to its provocative title, "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner," but it'll do, Pig. It'll do.
Next time: Travis hires a decorator for Cruz's room. Mark and Stephanie do a semi-nude photo shoot, like you do. LeeAnne, with Tiffany riding or dying, confronts official friend Marie Reyes about something she said. Bryan and Brandi are at a restaurant and Bryan says, "I've had enough. I'm done."
