Two episodes in and The Real Housewives of Dallas made me laugh out loud more than once. This show has been deep-fried and Texas-fied, even the logo. The latest iteration of The Real Housewives franchise will premiere on April 11 at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
Each one has gotten bigger and better than the one before it. And, this one's in Texas, so you can guess what'll happen. Meet the ladies here, and then come along as we give you 10 things to look for in the first two episodes.
Landmarks get a lot of screen time.
Each scene is kept together by cameras swooping into and over the world's best skyline. Dallas has enough quirk in signage and even highways to make this interesting without being repetitive.
Brandi Redmond is a quote machine.
Keep your pen ready. Brandi, a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, comes across as bubbly and ditzy. And she seriously overshares, especially when it comes to her husband, who travels a lot for business. But she has a way of putting things that's going to see her get a lot of confessional time.
Loose and pinched lips.
Spitfire LeAnne Locken, who says folks call her the "mouth of the South," seriously scares the rest of the cast to silence in her presence. She has no filter and will say anything to anybody and step to anybody she thinks is disrespecting her. Do not mock her. It wouldn't be Housewives without one of these in the bunch. Watch her as she paves her road with good intentions and gets something else in return.
Interesting life skills.
Remember, Brandi overshares, but her best friend Stephanie Hollman, also a cast member, is right there with her. I won't spoil it here, but producers really should unleash Stephanie's greatest talent. I won't believe it until I see it. And you'll want to see it once you hear about it.
LeAnne, who is married to a cop, leads the way here. But other housewives get into the groove, too. But LeAnne consistently calls them like she sees them, keeping the other housewives at bay with an icy demeanor she seems to be able to call up at will. They talk a lot behind her back, but ... well, again, watch. Somebody actually said, "Double dog dare you."
Guest stars include stores, their owners and, best of all, charities.
In the first episode alone, everything is for charity. Shopping for charity. Talking for charity. Partying for charity. It's not as much shopping as you'd think, this being Dallas where shopping is a competitive sport, but there's enough browsing to let you know a spree is coming. And, who could be mad at this, more charities.
"Everything's bigger in Texas."
There's pride in it when regular people say it. But when these women wrap their mouths around the saying, it seems more than true. It seems legend.
The women make a point that they're not wearing boots and their hair doesn't reach to the sky. But while it ain't big, it's luxurious. I don't know if it's real, but it's spectacular.
But not in a church-like way, at least not one I've been to. There's "Jesus juice." And there's "living in sin." And that Old Testament ditty: "Haters gonna hate."
I've got a feeling, because of some of the sly bitterness that crept through during confessionals, that there will be more than one husband-and-wife clash before the season gets halfway in. There's talk of stealing burying before you're 30 minutes in. I'm taking bets, starting now. I also predict some serious drunk-in-love action that's bound to happen. Look for the foreshadowing.