We did not write this list. People are possibly going to have some feels about it. So, that bears repeating:
We did not write this list, y'all.
But, if we're being honest, we had thought about it. It's easy to make a Best Texas Songs list. The biggest obstacle there is trimming it down to a reasonable length. Do you pick songs written and/or recorded by native Texans? What if you only use songs with Texas in the lyrics? Should it include Willie Nelson's entire catalog?
That's why we were interested in the idea of Worst Texas Songs list. It'd be a challenge. There could be controversy. But, it's fair to wonder: Does anything good ever come from rehashing what's bad?
Glad we dodged that bullet.
Earlier this week, we received a survey from Super Bash Houston, a music festival set to coincide this weekend with Super Bowl 51, also in Houston. Organizers found all the songs they could that were either about Texas or have been performed by native Texan artists. They culled that list down to six finalists and polled 1,000 Texans to rank them.
The festival vowed to not play the worst offenders under any circumstances, which actually seems kind of cool of them... Except...
They rank, according to the survey:
- Ashlee Simpson -- "LA LA" (25.0%)
- RiFF RaFF -- "Dolce and Gabbana" (23.0%)
- Vanilla Ice -- "Ice Ice Baby" (21.9%)
- George Strait -- "All My Ex's Live in Texas" (12%)
- Sir Mix-a-Lot -- "Jump On It" (9.7%)
- LeAnn Rimes -- "Can't Fight the Moonlight" (7.2%)
Honorable mention: Billy Ray Cyrus -- "Achy Breaky Heart"
We'll be back for Billy Ray. First, let's talk King George.
The one thing you never, ever, ever do in Texas is speak ill of George Strait. Don't love him? We're not here to argue his case. (We've done that until we're baby blue in the face.) But, Strait fans are your mom and dad's version of the Beyhive, and he is their King. It's like religion, the 2016 election and whether your closet is full of burnt orange or maroon.
Stop. Drop. Roll toward the nearest alternative topic.
Apparently having faced some heat over Strait's inclusion, Super Bash Houston issued a second release today reiterating that the survey was "cheeky" and "humorous" and not at all intended to draw the ire of those who own Pure Country on VHS, DVD and Blu-Ray.
I liked Dusty's ponytail in that movie. There, I said it.
"George Strait was really chosen because he is so well known and the song is so strongly associated with Texas," said festival co-founder Joe Paonessa in the release. "We expected a very small percentage of the vote to go to him and Texans were invited to also select 'other' but only 1.3% did."
He's got a point, y'all. Which ones of you did this?! Was it at least because of the song title's grammatical error?
The festival also extended to Strait a "standing VIP invitation" and offer to play any other song of his choosing.
Guys, guys, guys ... he regularly sells nosebleed tickets for nearly $100 a pop at his Vegas residency. His 2014 concert at AT&T Stadium broke an attendance record the Rolling Stones had held since 1981. Just. Stop.
If you're still with us, you might still be reeling over Billy Ray Cyrus' inclusion. BRC hails from Kentucky. "Achy Breaky Heart" does mention Arkansas, which borders Texas, and at one point it says "OK," which is the postal abbreviation for Oklahoma, also adjacent, so... The release clarifies that the song got mention because a Texan voted for it on the survey.
Well. Howbow dah.
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