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Arts & Entertainment

Kraft and Heinz merge: Here are 5 more business marriages that need to happen

Some collaborations are just doomed. Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie gave it a try romantically. Pizza crust and hot dogs cohabitated for awhile.  Gigli existed.

Others just make sense. In fact, sometimes --  as Liz Lemon taught us -- they're evilly genius. 

Heinz announced this week it plans to buy Kraft Foods in a $45 billion merger with about as much chemistry (literally, lots of synthetic ingredients there, folks) as Kim Kardashian's 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries.   The new couple will go by the combined name Kraft Heinz, and routinely bring Ketchup Spaghetti to potlucks even when friends request they just bring a bottle of wine.

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Here are five fantasy business mergers we think could make some serious dough:

Willie Nelson's new venture + Frito-Lay, the purveyor of Cheetos, Funyuns, and Sun Chips

Fun fact: When Frito-Lay merged with Pepsi Cola in 1965, owners originally planned jointly advertising salty snacks and sugary drinks as a natural pair ... until the Federal Trade Commission put the kibosh on it.

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Pabst Blue Ribbon + Brooklyn Grooming, a Williamsburg shop specializing in items like beard balm, aftershave tonic, and handmade mustache/beard combs

Meerkat + PolarPro, manufacturer of a $99 PowerPole Selfie Stick for the inevitable reality of 24 hour streaming personal reality TV

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McCormick Specialty Herbs and Spices + eventually all food makers everywhere for pumpkin spice everything. It's the new salt, y'all.

CrossFit, Inc. + Wellshire Farms because bacon is a Google autocomplete when you want to know what the cabalistic fitness movement loves

MORE BACON!!!
MORE BACON!!!(Alexandra Olivia / Special Contributor)