In Texas, it's blazing hot in the summers and more like patio weather for most of the winter. This white stuff in the sky is not cool. It is cold, y'all.
I'm out of ideas about how to stay warm. So, let's drink. Here are the rules:
"Treacherous." That's the buzz word. If anyone, on the news or otherwise, says it, take one drink. Two drinks for "blustery." Hope you've got your drinking pants on, because it's gonna be a long day.
Refill your drink every time you see someone on the news wearing at least one of these things: A jacket covered in ice or rain; earmuffs and a jacket covered in ice or rain; gloves, earmuffs, jacket covered in ice or rain; scarf, gloves, earmuffs, jacket covered in ice or rain.
Finish your drink if said person exclaims, "Sure is cold out here!"
Fogged-up newscasters' glasses during a live shot: three drinks and a high five.
Soon as you hear someone talk about how [insert event here] was canceled this week or weekend, take two sips. Do two pushups. You could use the exercise.
Someone says "thunder sleet?" Finish your beer, then follow him or her on Twitter. He's likely to spout other silly buzz words in times of distress.
One drink for any of these words: "falling from the sky," "arctic blast," "icemageddon" or "snowpocalypse" or the like. Assign out beer-run duties if you can come up with a word that's more clever than any of those. #Hashtag it on @Twitter. (But sorry, guys, #SLEETSHOW2015 is already taken.)
If you've got tons of time (and, it's awful out there, so you do), make a tally every time you hear the word "closed." For every 10 tallies, shot of Goldschläger.
Oh, you didn't come to party? A drink of your beer is fine.
When the news shows B-roll of sleepy people looking miserable at the airport, pass out two drinks if you spotted it first. Photos of empty grocery store shelves? Make the person on your left finish his or her drink, then make him make you a sandwich.
Down your drink, then change the channel, when you see a(nother) blurry camera shot on the news. Seriously, why?
Back to the fridge. One more round, and all the camera shots will look blurry.
