Think back to your childhood trick-or-treating days. What was more soul-crushing to you: getting an apple or toothpaste in your bag, or getting crappy candy?
Getting toothpaste is no fun, of course. But I would argue that getting crappy candy is far worse, because you were so close. It's candy, so your optimistic little brain thinks that maybe this time it will taste good, but ... no. It is candy corn, and it is terrible.
We were talking about this in the office (in a thoroughly unproductive meeting), and it sparked a discussion: What is the worst trick-or-treat candy ever? Here are my top candidates:
It just doesn't taste that good, and it will rip out your teeth by their very roots.
Wax lips and bottles
They are the worst because they had flavor and thus pretended to be candy, but THEY ARE NOT CANDY. Why did anyone give those out? Ever?
Oh, very sneaky, grown-ups. "Let's give them candy that has something in it that's not candy at all! They'll love it." No. Nothing dampens the excitement of dumping out your pillowcase full of treats quite like the tell-tale rattle of those sad Raisinets in their packages. I still hate Raisinets.
Do you know a kid who likes coconut in their candy? I do not.
These horrible peanut butter things
You know, the ones in the orange and black wrappers? What are they? Why are they? Update: I am told that they are called Mary Janes, and that's far too charming of a name for them.
Look, I know Tootsie Rolls are good. But all the work of unwrapping each one for just a little bit of chocolate-flavored whatever? Plus, they're just so easy to get all the time -- didn't you know a million adults who just had them lying around? -- that I never could muster any trick-or-treat enthusiasm for them.
Back in the day, this was a pervasive trick-or-treat candy. Now, you don't get anything that's not in a wrapper. Children of today, feel fortunate that you are not subjected to these chewy, flavorless nightmares.
You tell us: What's the worst?
Now it's time for you to weigh in. What's the absolute worst candy to get in your trick-or-treat bag? You can vote for up to three.
Note: This was originally published in 2012 and updated October 2015.