I learned to drive amid a small stampede of Hereford cattle loping through a pasture in rural North Texas. Granddad was a wise man, and when I turned 15 -- or maybe a few years earlier, as Telephone, Tex. lies beyond the reach of the law dogs -- he put me behind the wheel of an F-350 farm truck and set me forward along an overgrown, unpaved meadow. Funny thing, to my chagrin and his amusement, when cows see a pick-up, they tend to think food comes along with it. In seconds, they were running flat-out beside us, switching lanes without signaling and flicking their horns as they cut us off.
Doubled-over laughing, Granddad said, "If you think you're gonna go off to Dallas, you need to know how to drive in rush-hour traffic."
It was an experience mirrored in usefulness by my dad's decision to teach me to drive a standard shift by having me drive a tractor with a front-end loader down an FM highway.
These days, I've lived in Dallas more than a decade, and I still spend a lot of time at "tractor speed" on highways. My suspicion that the local driving situation has worsened is confirmed by every person I ask, and anecdotal evidence is basically fact when it comes to traffic, weather patterns and child-rearing. Chances are, if you've lived her awhile, you find it equally maddening.
But, it's better to laugh than to cry. No matter how gut-bubbling annoying the traffic may be, it's rife with nuggets of hilarity. So that's what we're asking of you: Make us laugh with memes, pics and bizarre stories. Tag it #dumbdfwtraffic and we'll retweet the best via @guidelive.
What else are you going to do for the rest of the work day? Here, we scrounged up a few examples to get you started.