I learned to drive amid a small stampede of Hereford cattle loping through a pasture in rural North Texas. Granddad was a wise man, and when I turned 15 -- or maybe a few years earlier, as Telephone, Tex. lies beyond the reach of the law dogs -- he put me behind the wheel of an F-350 farm truck and set me forward along an overgrown, unpaved meadow. Funny thing, to my chagrin and his amusement, when cows see a pick-up, they tend to think food comes along with it. In seconds, they were running flat-out beside us, switching lanes without signaling and flicking their horns as they cut us off.  

Doubled-over laughing, Granddad said, "If you think you're gonna go off to Dallas, you need to know how to drive in rush-hour traffic." 

At least this probably didn't happen on your commute today. 

At least this probably didn't happen on your commute today. 


It was an experience mirrored in usefulness by my dad's decision to teach me to drive a standard shift by having me drive a tractor with a front-end loader down an FM highway. 

These days, I've lived in Dallas more than a decade, and I still spend a lot of time at "tractor speed" on highways. My suspicion that the local driving situation has worsened is confirmed by every person I ask, and anecdotal evidence is basically fact when it comes to traffic,  weather patterns and child-rearing. Chances are, if you've lived her awhile, you find it equally maddening. 

But, it's better to laugh than to cry. No matter how gut-bubbling annoying the traffic may be, it's rife with nuggets of hilarity. So that's what we're asking of you: Make us laugh with memes, pics and bizarre stories. Tag it #dumbdfwtraffic and we'll retweet the best via @guidelive

What else are you going to do for the rest of the work day? Here, we scrounged up a few examples to get you started.   

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