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Fort Worth singer wants to combat veteran suicide with album inspired by his dad

Fort Worth musician Dan Johnson remembers Dec. 6, 1987 with absolute clarity. It was the day before his 11th birthday. It was also the day his father took his own life.

Johnson's father, Terry Johnson, served in the U.S. Air Force before he was injured and discharged in 1978. As a veteran, Terry struggled to reacclimate to civilian life. That led him to depression, which resulted in failed jobs, mental illness and eventually an institution where Terry "took the Hemingway way out," as Dan poetically put it in a song he wrote about the incident.

Hemingway, a concept album and book by Fort Worth musician Dan Johnson, comes out July 27 on...
Hemingway, a concept album and book by Fort Worth musician Dan Johnson, comes out July 27 on State Fair Records. (Dan Johnson)

"Hemingway" is the the title track on Dan's new EP that's inspired by his dad and dedicated to all military personnel who may be dealing with similar feelings of guilt and loneliness. About 21 active members of the military and veterans die by suicide each day, according to the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs' 2015 National Suicide Data Report, the most recent available.

Hemingway dives into the mental and emotional turmoil felt by those contemplating suicide, as well as the lasting effects that decision has on others. The album, which includes a book of short stories to complement its five songs, comes out July 27 on State Fair Records.

"Ultimately, the message in the music and the book is the generational cycle of how pain is transferred through this one tiny choice," Dan says. "A lot of it came down to my dad dying and how that affected my life ... the trouble I had in relationships and troubles I had growing up."

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Despite the lasting effects of suicide, Dan remembers his dad fondly. Terry was a warm and loving man, his eldest child and only son says — the glue that held the family together. In the early years of Dan's life, they lived in Kentucky where they would go fishing together. Terry also had a profound love of music, and when Dan was 6 years old, his dad gave him a drum set.

"He said, 'Well, I already play guitar, so you don't need to learn that. You need to learn to play the drums,'" Dan recalls with a laugh. As a kid, Dan loved sitting in on his dad's band practices, watching him play and admiring him as "the world's biggest hero."

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But there were signs of trouble that even Dan noticed at his young age. He remembers Terry had trouble holding a job and that sometimes the family would "go camping" if they couldn't make rent.

In the most striking instance, Terry summoned his son from upstairs to give him a college diploma and his treasured 1956 Gibson Les Paul custom guitar. With tears in his eyes, Terry told Dan to keep the items because he wouldn't be around forever. Dan now recognizes this as a textbook warning sign of his father's next steps.

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The aftermath

Anger. That was the most potent emotion Dan felt after his dad's death. And it followed him everywhere, through high school and college, through bouts of alcoholism and drug abuse, and especially after he broke up a friend's marriage. Driving from Denver to Amarillo after that incident, Dan decided he would follow in his father's footsteps.

He stepped on the gas pedal.

"Thankfully, it's a big stretch of road and there's nothing out there. You're just stuck with your thoughts at 120 mph and I thought back to how my dad must have thought he was doing me a favor, how much that had screwed up the rest of my interactions with everyone and how much pain that had caused me," Dan says. "I pulled over to the side of the road and cried until I couldn't cry anymore."

Dan wrote "Lone Gunman's Lament," the final track on his new EP, there in the driver's seat. He also resolved not to put his three daughters through what he experienced growing up. It was a turning point.

"Hemingway" led Dan to another turning point in his life. For years, he kept the song to himself, but after it resonated with a Marine veteran, Dan vowed to play it every show, tell his father's story and lend a willing ear to anyone who might be suffering.

One night, while on tour in Ireland, Dan met a man who turned his music into a mission. The guy was active military personnel and on the brink, as the singer tells it. Over the beers and anecdotes they shared, Dan realized this issue was bigger than him and bigger than his song.

"He told me, 'You're the only civilian I've met who is strong enough and willing enough to have this conversation with me, so keep doing what you're doing,'" Dan says. "So I did."

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A worthy cause

In 2016, Dan founded Operation Hemingway, an organization dedicated to educating the public about suicide warning signs and treatment options to find help for veterans who may be suffering. Since then, he's also been working on the album and book, which weave together the aforementioned stories with other reflections he's had along the way. (The book, which comes in audio format and paperback, was co-written by Dan and novelist and journalist Travis Erwin.)

Over the next several months, he's taking the album on tour, playing frequently at Veteran of Foreign Wars chapter locations. He celebrates its release locally at Love and War in Texas in Plano on July 28, and Magnolia Motor Lounge in Fort Worth on July 29.

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Death is a common theme throughout the project, but Dan hopes Hemingway will serve as a beacon of hope and even an opportunity for forgiveness for those who may be struggling with suicide. At the very least, Dan is relieved to finally have something positive come from his dad's death.

"Dad, it wasn't selfish," he says in the book's prologue. "I know you thought you were doing me a favor. I'm doing the best thing I can think of with it."

Know someone struggling with suicidal thoughts?

The U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs runs a Veterans Crisis Line for confidential support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year. Call 1-800-273-8255 and press 1, chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net/chat, or text to 838255.

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Operation Hemingway offers a list of warning signs to look out for if you think someone may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, including stark changes in behavior and frequent discussion of unbearable pain or feeling trapped. Visit the website for more information and links to additional resources.