Delivering pizza is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes customers are jerks, and sometimes there might be a minotaur.
In the wee hours Monday morning in Fort Worth, a pizza order was placed from Baylor All Saints hospital with delivery instructions so amusing, they needed to be shared with the world. The delivery driver posted the receipt on Reddit, with the caption "It's a dangerous life of a pizza guy. But they will soon tell tales of my victory." The photo has gone viral, with more than 340,000 views on Imgur as of this morning.
In case you can't read it above, here's what the receipt says:
"We reside within the labyrinthine basement of the hospital; beneath the Women's Building. The stork upon the ceiling should lead you safely to our location. If you take a wrong turn you may run into the minotaur that stalks the halls. But do not fret. The beast has a weakness to fire. It may also be lulled to sleep if one were to play Safety Dance on a pan flute crafted from the finest oak. Good luck, traveler."
I caught up with this brave pizza cavalier via Reddit messaging. His name is Joe Gonzales, he lives in Fort Worth and he confirms that this was indeed a real pizza transaction. Gonzales is also my new favorite person in D-FW (tied with the person at the hospital who wrote the instructions).
"I do travel to the medical village of Baylor All Saints, but [ this was ] my first time taking this secret passage," Gonzales says.
I'll let him tell the rest of the tale:
"It was a calm and quiet night within m'lords castle. All was well until a neighboring village asked upon m'lord for help. Ever since that creature entered the labyrinth, no one has ever been able to get pass to deliver the supplys. So their people were starving and in dire need of help. So that is when I bravely stepped up to this task. It was a long and hard fought journey, but that be'ith a tale for another time."
What else does our hero do when he's not delivering pizza?
"Besides slaying minotaurs, my hobbies are slaying demons, ogres, drakes (not dragons), bandits, goblins, and baking cookies."