As Chris Tucker's Smokey would say: We know you don't smoke weed. We know this.
That's because, in the unlikely event you've forgotten, it is still illegal to possess, cultivate and sell marijuana in the state of Texas. Just so we're clear on that point.
But, say you're a casual enthusiast of marijuana-related pop culture. Maybe you're a die-hard fan of the The Chronic (we mean the album, obviously) or your spirit animal is Rick Steves (yes, that one). Perhaps you'd like to live in a world where pizza boxes come with construct-your-own cardboard pipes and every jigger of vodka smells of sweetly-scented green from a hemp infusion.
We honor your vision.
Luckily, so do a number of local establishments. Here are some of the best places to celebake Stoner's Christmas, or at least the spirit of it, in D-FW.
Win free cheddar fries for a year
Thanksgiving turkey ... Easter ham ... most holidays just wouldn't be the same without that signature dish. We can't say for sure why Snuffer's has decided to declare April 20th National Cheddar Fries Day. The timing seems, well, perfect.
Head out to any of the 9 Snuffer's locations on "this most awesome of days" -- their words, not ours... though don't disagree -- and receive a certificate for one free individual order of cheddar fries, which you can redeem during a follow-up visit between April 21-June 5, 2016.
Even better? You can also enter to win free cheddar fries for a year (that's a $500 value). Sign up online here or in the restaurant by May 8.
Swig a dank beer
If Oskar Blues' Pinner Throwback IPA smells ... familiar, it's because the hop flower and cannabis plant share a family tree, the brewery's founder told The Cannabist last year. That's also the reasoning behind the easy drinking, 4.9 percent session beer's name, a reference to a "tiny, thin joint low on marijuana content."
Deep Ellum's Braindead Brewing is offering Pinner and its own house beers up for $4.20 each on Wednesday. Going to need something to much on? You can also get Dorito Pies and personal pizzas, starting at 4:20 p.m.
Party like an outlaw
Smoke (cigars) with Kinky
Dallas' renown gentleman's joint, The Lodge, has already begun celebrating its 20th anniversary, but the two-day party includes an April 20th appearance by former gubernatorial candidate and current cult legend Kinky Freidman.
He'll be "shaking hands, smoking cigars and promoting his new album, The Loneliest Man I Ever Met," our Tiney Ricciardi reports. It's his first studio release in 40 years, and he enlisted the help of fellow legend and noted bud-hound Willie Nelson.
Catch a cult favorite
Your own living room sofa might be the traditional and, some might argue, best place to spend 4/20, but if you're up for going out, there are a couple of ways to catch cult favorites.
Half Baked screenings: We can't print the best, or really any of the lines, from this oft-quoted 1998 stoner comedy starring Dave Chappelle and Jim Breuer, so we'll let its infamy speak for itself. You can see it at Alamo Drafthouse in Dallas at 4:20 p.m. or, if that's a bit early because you have yet to quit your job Scarface-style, in Richardson at 8:40 p.m.
Or, if you think films are better paired with half-price whiskey (what isn't?) catch a screening on Sundown at Granada's rooftop patio at 8:30 p.m. May we suggest sipping every time there's a celebrity cameo?
Reefer Madness, the musical: Plano's ArtCentre Theatre offers a special 4/20 showing at 8 p.m. of the tongue-in-cheek musical spin-off of the very serious 1936 movie of the same name. The plot, in a sentence: A group of teens are "lured into a world of death, destruction and - gasp - jazz after hitting a single joint." Who said the 'burbs don't have a sense of humor?