Who is Mr. Dallas?
(Questions and answers for the gullible and the culpable.)
• He is a wholly owned subsidiary of any number of inappropriate cravings.
• He's a dedicated observer of the passing scene.
• The party is inside his head.
• He goes out so you don't have to.
• He is not a positive role model.
• So don't take him too seriously.

What are the seven deadly sins?
In traditional theology, those are the violations that cause spiritual death — the big bads of pride, lust, greed, wrath, sloth, gluttony and envy. For Mr. Dallas, they're a fine way to keep score. He'll rate a nightspot or an event on how many of the deadly sins he has observed or indulged.

How can you have a good time going out?
• Chance favors the prepared mind. Start with a plan. Then lower your expectations.
• Take a crowbar to your wallet. Fun isn't free — at least not anyplace Mr. Dallas knows about. Cash and credit are king.
• Learn to love the valet. No, you won't find a parking place. And yes, you will have to wait in line.
• Get over yourself. The world isn't going to change to suit you in the course of an evening. If you can't stand smoke, crowds and noise, stay home.

What are the rules for over-30 dating?
• Remember, it's supposed to be fun.
• Don't get attached to the outcome.
• The one who loves waits.
• The simplest explanation is usually correct.
• Don't apologize for what you want.

How can you tell if Ms. Right Now is interested?
• The come-hither head toss.
• Neck basking — she pulls the hair away with an indolent swipe to expose it.
• She fondles the stem of her wine glass.
• While she talks to somebody else, her body is pointing in your direction.

Who is Mr. Dallas really?
(In a parallel, slightly more sober universe, he is …)
Jerry Bokamper
Title: Dallas Morning News assistant arts editor
Education: Journalism B.A.
Why he lives here: Lots of where and who
Favorite neighborhood: Lakewood
Favorite restaurant: St. Martin's
The area's best-kept secret: Exposition Park