A martini-laden manifesto

Some much-needed nightlife advice for the over-30 crowd


Out and about, footloose, scoping, questing, imbibing. The nightlife doesn't end with college, despite dorm-room promises of devotion. It doesn't end at 30, despite fast-tracker assurances of professional focus and emotional maturity. It doesn't even end at 40, despite expanding waistlines and narrowing expectations.

Don't let the hair-shirted lefties or shellac-haired preachers get you down. You can still be out there and keep your head up. You can still laugh and sip and ogle. But the march of time requires adjustments. Foolishness must be tempered with discernment. Arrest must be avoided.

Do's & Don'ts
Nightlifers in their 30s and 40s have a responsibility – to their contemporaries, to their reputations, to their livers – to put aside childish ways and cavort properly:

• Regarding the little plastic swizzle stick in cocktails: Don't use it as a straw. Raise the glass to your lips, open your mouth and pour, just the way Mom said. There is no sillier sight than some strapping, Rolex-flashing Torso Boy pursing his mouth into a little 'O' and sucking at a single malt like a hummingbird.

• As the evening lengthens, and despite temptation (Mr. Dallas realizes about heat and humidity), don't loosen the tie. As one fashion expert wrote, when you loosen your tie and unbutton that collar, you don't look relaxed, you look hammered.

• Avoid drinks whose names have sexual connotations — the Screaming Orgasm, Sex on the Beach, the T&A. Save the lame innuendoes for somebody other than the poor order-taker.

• Smile — often and easily. Even if it feels silly, it will look better than being the Gloomy Gus at the end of the bar. Chances are if you seem to be having a good time, you eventually will.

• Establish eye contact. This can be tricky, of course. There is a thin line between positive eye contact and the maniacal stare of a psycho killer. But furtive glances are worse.